Will History Repeat Itself?
by AjAwkwardsauce
Summary: Olivia and Elliot have had a long, complicated past. Can they work past it? And what happens when the man claiming to be Olivia's father stalks them? Can El and Liv have a future together now that Kathy has a dirty little secret? E/O Smut Now complete.
1. FlashBacks

**A/N Okay I love! Repeat LOVE! Law and Order SVU and so this story was born. Flashbacks of Olivia and Elliot growing up together, present time they are working on a case. Read and review please. Rated M for a reason folks so I hope you are mature...like mature mature cause there is sex in this chapter.  


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**Olivia's POV

We had run out of things to talk about; but it was okay. We sat in a comfortable silence in the car. We were watching a local drug store, waiting. It was almost closing time and the owner was a suspect. A suspect who refuses to talk. I placed my hand on my coffee cup reveling in the warmth that radiated from it. It was December and the chill from outside was seeping into my bones; but we couldn't have a running car stay in the same place for two hours. Someone was likely to get suspicious. Elliot's hand grazed my hand lightly as he reached for his cup. A shiver went up my arm and down my spine. I closed my eyes and a flashback enveloped my senses.

"_Mommy I don't want to go to daycare!" I cried as I was yanked through a hallway by my mom. _

"_I don't care! I'm tired of you being around the house." She said. I sniffled. I knew my mommy didn't love me. She hurt me a lot and called me names. But she was my mommy. All the other little girls had mommies that loved them. Why couldn't I?_

"_Miss Benson?" A tall woman with red hair said._

"_Yeah." My mommy barked. _

"_Is this Olivia?" She asked leaning down to be closer to me._

"_Who else." She threw me into the lady. _

"_I'll pick her up at 4." Mommy turned around and walked away briskly._

"_Hi Olivia, my name is Mrs. Rachel. I'm going to be your teacher, would you like to come meet the other kids?" She asked me. I nodded my head slowly. She held her hand out and I placed mine in hers. She pulled me into a large room with kids running around. A block flew across the room and hit a little girl in the back. _

"_Elliot Stabler! Get over here." Rachel yelled no longer using her soft tender voice. A little boy with short brown hair and blue eyes walked up to us. _

"_Why did you throw that at Kathy?" She asked sternly. I was expecting her to reach out and hit him. That's what my mommy does when I am bad. Or when she is mad. _

"_She kissed me…and gave me cooties." He said. I giggled. _

"_What are you laughing at?" He glared at me. _

"_Elliot. I think you need a time-out." Rachel said. _

"_Awww-but Mrs. Rachel! I promise I'll be real good." He begged._

"_Okay, I'll give you a warning." She said with a smile. _

"_Olivia why don't you go play with the other kids." She smiled and walked away._

"_Hi." I said poking Elliot._

"_Hello." He said looking at me. _

"_My name is Olivia Benson." I smiled. _

"_Elliot Stabler, nice to meet you." He stuck out his hand. I looked at it. _

"_You're supposed to shake it." He said. I put my hand in his._

"_Nice to meet you too." I smiled as we shook hands._

"Liv, look we got movement." Elliot said looking at the drug store. A girl walked into the building she couldn't have been older than fifteen.

"Come on, let's go." I said.

"No, wait, give it a moment." He said. A man walked into the store. There was a scream, gunshots, another scream and the man ran out. Elliot and I were out of our doors in a second.

"Go check the girl out, I'll get him." Elliot grabbed his gun and ran in the direction of the guy.

"Be careful." I whispered after he was gone. I walked slowly into the store. I heard loud sobbing and then a scream…I recognized it. Completely ripped apart by anguish. That was the only thing that produced that kind of scream. I ran to the back room. The young girl was in a corner holding her knees to her chest. She was splattered with blood and staring at the ground. I looked at the opposite corner. The man, who was the suspect, was slumped against the wall bleeding profusely from his several gunshot wounds. I touched his neck searching for a pulse. I didn't find one.

"Come on let's get you out of her." I reached for the girl but she thrashed away.

"No! Don't touch me!" She yelled. She stood up and ran away.

"Hey!" I stood up and ran after her grabbing her arm. She screamed and slapped me. I was startled and let go of her arm. She ran from the store. I followed her but I didn't see her anywhere on the deserted street. I walked back into the store. She had left her purse on the store counter. I reached for it and searched through it. I pulled out a wallet and let out a sigh of relief. I pulled my phone out and called the captain.

"Hey, I need Munch and Fin." I said.

"They are already out, Elliot called. Why aren't you together?" He asked.

"I had to deal with a traumatized girl. It didn't work out well. She ran." I said. "But I have her student I.D." I said.

"Well send someone, Gendar is dead and now we have a new suspect." I said.

"Where?"

"The store." I answered.

"I'm on my way." I hung up, and grabbed the purse. I threw it in the car and ran in the direction that Elliot ran. It led to an ally. It was pretty dark. I pulled out my gun and squinted my eyes.

"Elliot!" I yelled. Someone hit me over the head. I fell to the ground.

"_Elliot!" I yelled. "Come on tell me!" _

"_Tell you what Olivia?" He said pushing me on the swing._

"_It's my birthday what did you get me?" I said as I soared through the air. _

"_It's a surprise. I left it at my house." He said. _

"_Oh why did you do that?" I asked laughing and dragging my feet on the ground to slow myself down. _

"_It was too…big to bring." He smiled. _

"_Well let's go then!" I said pulling on his sleeve. _

"_Okay Benson." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We made our way to his house. When we got to the front door we stopped._

"_Stay here I have to get it ready." He said. I sighed._

"_Fine." I muttered. He went inside. A few minutes later just before I was about to rip open the door and see what was in there myself, he walked out. _

"_Are you ready birthday girl?" He asked putting a ridiculous cone hat on my head. _

"_Sure." I said wanting to turn back. He opened the door and pulled me in. _

"_HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" His family yelled. I smiled, tears welled up in my eyes. The only present I got from my mom was a slap and her stealing fifty bucks from me for beer. _

"_Thank you all so much!" I grinned, I swallowed hard to keep the tears from coming. I, Olivia Benson, did not cry; even when my mother beat me. _

"_Happy Birthday, Liv." Elliot said. Liv? A nickname? I liked it.. _

"_Thanks El." I smirked giving him a kiss on the nose. It's not everyday a girl turns thirteen. _

I opened my eyes and I was in an empty room. I was tied to a chair. I looked around. Elliot sat beside me, also tied but he had a large cut on his head. The left side of his face was caked in blood, and dirt. His eyes were closed.

"Elliot." I whispered.

"Elliot!" I said more urgently. His eyes fluttered.

"Come on El, wake up." I coaxed. His eyes opened but it seemed hard for him to focus. He looked at me.

"Olivia." He said. "Olivia, where are we?" He asked.

"I don't know." I tugged at my restraints. A man walked into the room.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I'm hurt." The man said. "That you don't know who I am." He smiled.

"I have never met you in my life." I spat.

"Don't be so sure." He tsked. I closed my eyes trying to remember. Suddenly it hit me.

"_Come on Elliot you can do it!" I cried out. He looked at me like I was patronizing him. He threw the ball. It flew off to the right. _

"_That wasn't right." I laughed. _

"_You distracted me." He yelled looking upset. _

"_I'm a seven year old girl and I can kick your butt all over this game. How come?" I grabbed the ball and walked back over to him. _

"_My dad never taught me, he's too busy with work." He took the ball from my hand._

"_So? My mom is drunk half the time. I taught myself. And now you have a fine teacher. I just don't understand why you can't throw a curve ball." I furrowed my brow and looked at my worn down sneakers covered in dust. I looked up at Elliot, behind him at the fence stood a man. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans. He had been watching us play the whole time. _

"_What are you looking at?" Elliot asked turning around. He was looking at the man._

"_Who's that?" He leaned toward me._

"_How should I know?" I said. He started walking towards us._

"_I guess we're going to find out. Elliot said. The man stopped maybe four feet away from us. _

"_Are you Serena Benson's kid?" He asked me. I nodded my head slowly. _

"_What's your name?" He asked. I looked at Elliot. He shrugged his shoulders._

"_Uh, Olivia Sir." I answered. _

"_That's a pretty name." He said. _

"_Well, I have to go home now. Come on Elliot." I said. Elliot dropped the ball and ran up to be beside me. _

"_Yeah, were having pork chops for dinner you want to come over?" He asked linking arms with me._

"_Sure." I turned back and looked at the man over my shoulder. He picked up the ball and threw it into the air and caught it._

I opened my eyes.

"Who are you, and why have you been following me since I was little?" I yelled.

"Oh Olivia, it's such a shame I wasn't allowed to see you. I could have done you some good." He caressed my cheek.

"I could have taught you how to play baseball." He smirked pulling a ball out of his pocket.

"Look familiar?" He asked throwing it up in the air and catching it.

"I could have loved you." He sneered in my face.

"Who are you?" I spat at him. He backed up.

"I could have disciplined you." He slapped my face. It echoed hollowly around the room. My head was facing Elliot who was now unconscious looking.

"Elliot!" I yelled trying to wake him.

"Let your friend sleep. We're not done with this guessing game." He grabbed my face and turned it toward him.

"Don't you even have an inkling of a guess, a ghost of a clue?" He asked.

"No." I growled. He slapped me again.

"I am…" He grabbed my face. "Your fucking FATHER!" He yelled. I stared at him. "You can't be…my father is dead." I said.

"Guess again sweetpea." He said.

"No, I have a brother, his dad…is dead." I said. This man was wrong. He wasn't her father. She had to get herself and Stabler out of there…immediately.

"I fucked a lot of woman back in the day." He smirked. "If he is your brother, that's not his daddy." He said. I struggled violently against the rope around my wrists.

"Shut up, Shut the fuck up!" I yelled. I ripped my hand through the rope. My other hand came loose. I stood up swung the hand still holding the rope and hit him with the chair. Hard. It knocked him out. I untied Elliot.

"Come on Elliot, wake up. Come on El. Open your eyes and look at me." I said lightly tapping his face.

"Come on Elliot for me." I said.

"_Come on Elliot for me!" I stepped up to him. I matched his height easily. I stared at him, pleading him with my eyes. I didn't whine, I wasn't that kind of girl. I did, however, manipulate my way through things. _

"_Please?" I asked running my hands over his hair. His determined stare faltered a little. _

"_What do I get in return?" He asked. I smiled coyly. _

"_I think you know." My hands traveled down to his waist. He kissed me roughly. I pulled away and chuckled. _

"_Uh huh. Not until after your part of the deal my friend." I turned around and pulled on his tie so that he would follow me. _

"_Okay, I'll do it for you…All of you." He said; I smirked confidently._

"_You're damn straight you'll do it for all of me." I continued walking in the direction of the school. In the end…he always does it for me. _

His eyes fluttered open.

"Olivia." He said.

"Elliot!" I yelled. It echoed around the room. "Come on El let's get you taken care of. I put my arm around his torso under his arms. I stood up supporting most of his weight.

"Olivia…you're bleeding." Elliot said. I didn't stop walking. I had to get us safe, but I thought about the man and I did stop.

"El I need you to stay here. Can you do that?" I asked leaning him against the wall. He nodded closing his eyes. I clapped my hands and his head snapped up and lolled lazily down again.

"Don't go to sleep." I said. I ran over to the man that claimed he was my father and handcuffed him to a metal pipe that came out of the ground made a 'U' shape and went back in the ground.

"Stay here asshole." I whispered. I ran back to Elliot before he collapsed.

"Come on El, hold on just a little longer." I pulled out my phone as I dragged him to the door.

"Olivia! Where are you!" Captain screamed in my ear.

"With Elliot, we need help, now. I don't know where we are. We're bleeding…and I- I blacked out.

_I walked into my new precinct. I was relatively excited for the new job. I went to the Captain's office and knocked on the door before entering. We shook hands._

"_Ah Olivia Benson, I hear good things about you." He looked at his watch. "Your partner should be arriving soon." He said. Partner? I didn't know we had partners. The door opened behind me. I turned around and was greeted by a familiar face. One I haven't seen in years but none the less, a familiar face. _

"_Elliot Stabler." I smiled. _

"_Olivia Benson?" He looked me over. _

"_How are you?" I hugged him. My hands rolled over his arms down to his hands. It was natural like when we were kids. I looked down and gulped. He was married. _

"_I missed you so much, Liv." He said. I let go of his hands. I was confused. How could he be married? When we left for different colleges, different police academies we hadn't even officially broken up. What about our love. We had sex. Lots of sex. But it meant something. At least to me. _

"_You know each other?" Captain asked us._

"_We did. Not anymore." I brushed passed him and walked out the door. I walked straight out of the precint into the drugstore across the street and bought myself a pack of Marlboros. I hadn't smoked since Elliot told me to quit. I did it for him. But fuck that shit. I was through doing stuff for him._

"_Liv? Liv? What's wrong?" Elliot walked outside and I blew smoke in his face. He coughed. _

"_When did you start smoking again?" He asked me. _

"_When you fucked me over…and my name is Olivia." I said. _

"_What are you talking about?" He asked. _

"_You're married." I said. "Since when? When you stopped writing." I answered for him dropping my cigarette and stepping on it with the toe of my heels. _

"_You don't understand Liv." I glared at him. "Olivia. I had to marry Kathy." He cried out. _

"_It has a name." I replied. _

"_She was pregnant." He said. I reached out and slapped him, and I slapped him hard. There was a red mark on his cheek. _

"_You were __**fucking**__ her while you were still with me." I was seething. "You didn't even break up with me…you, you bastard!" I yelled and stormed back upstairs. _

_**Upstairs**_

"_You know what sucks?" Captain said to Fin as he looked out the window at his two new detectives. _

"_What?" _

"_They already signed their contracts. They are partners whether they like or not." He said. _

When I woke up I didn't understand, I was dizzy, confused and drowsy. I looked around me and nothing registered. Nothing except white.

"Elliot!" I yelled. "Elliot!" I yelled again. People. They were running in. I was in pain. They tried to control me.

"Get me five milligrams of haloperidol." One of them said. I tried to fight back but I was too weak it was getting dark in the room. I was just going to close my eyes for a minute and then find Elliot but I couldn't open them again. And truth be told I didn't want to.

"_Happy Birthday Elliot!" I yelled as I handed him two meager gifts. We sat on my bed. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more." I said. _

"_Liv, this is perfect." He kissed my lips slowly. I blushed and tried to hide it by throwing my long brown hair over my face. _

"_Don't do that. You're beautiful when your cheeks get that rosy tint." He pulled my face towards him with his finger beneath my chin. I blushed a deeper crimson. He pulled on the flimsy wrapping paper I bought for sixty cents at the local store. He pulled the lid off the box and pulled out a piece of paper. He read it aloud. _

"_There is something you seek, I know where it is, it isn't hiding, it is in plain view, it's something you desire, crave and beg for. You're reduced to a dog, whimpering and begging, but how I love it so. If you need another clue look in box number two." He looked up at me. I smirked yanking on the hem of my skirt. He pulled on the paper which slid off easily. He opened the box, looked inside and stared at me. _

"_Go ahead read the note."_

"_The note?" He asked._

"_Underneath." I smiled. He pulled out a pair of my black panties and a black lace bra. Then a piece of paper. _

"_If I'm not wearing these, what's underneath?" He said. He looked at me as if I was joking. He swallowed hard. _

"_Are you sure?" He asked. _

"_More than anything." I answered. He crossed the space between us and kissed me passionately. _

"_You're mom?" He asked between kisses._

"_A…" He smothered me with a kiss. "Bar." I finished. I quickly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off of his perfect chest. He pulled my tank top over my head. I lay there exposed, but I felt safe with Elliot. It was okay. He cupped my breast in his hand, his thumb circling my nipple. He deepened the kiss. I moaned into his mouth. I undid his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off. His erection pushed against the fibers of his boxers, he laid down in front of me. I pulled his boxers down slowly, freeing him from his constraints. I wrapped my hand around it. Bending over so my ass was in the air I put my lips on his lower stomach. Teasing him. He shuddered. _

"_Liv?" He said. I looked at him. _

"_Yes?" I said._

"_I love you." He smiled._

"_I love you too." I put my lips on his masculinity just as he showed me to. He rubbed my clit with one hand. I moaned lightly. I sat up and straddled his lower abdomen. _

"_Are you sure?" He asked again. I put my finger over his lips. _

"_Elliot. I am sure. I want you. Only you. Forever. I want you to make me scream; make me scream your name in ecstasy." I leaned forward pushing my breasts on his chest. "I want you to fuck me." I whispered and kissed him before I started to grind him. _

"_Olivia Benson. I love you, forever." He flipped over so he was on top. I liked it when he took control. It was my fetish. _

"_Oh God ELLIOT!" I yelled.  


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_**I hope you liked me what you think. shall I continue?**

**Review this story, blow dry a squirrel, grow a tomato****, pet a turtle, kill a bug, and promote techfoots! **

**~Amber (formally Rosalie Dark Moore, now BensonBaby)  
**


	2. Afraid

**Here is the second chapter, yay! I really like this one. No childhood flashbacks. Unfortunately I couldn't think of any that fit in this chapter. I hope you like it anyhow. REVIEW!  


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**I woke up in a hospital bed; I was sweating and immediately kicked the blanket off.

"Hey Liv." Elliot was sitting in a chair beside me.

"El?" I asked confused. Why was I in the hospital? I couldn't remember anything since the car.

"Why am I here?" I asked. My head was throbbing.

"You were hit…in the head. Don't you remember?" He asked his eyes were narrowed in that way that meant that he was confused, and that he didn't know what I was thinking.

"No." I said putting my hand on the back of my head. It hurt really bad. I furrowed my brow and stared at Elliot trying to remember.

"What happened after we were sitting in the car?" I asked.

"A guy went in and shot our suspect. I went after the guy. He hit me in the head with his gun. I can't remember anything after that." He said.

"Well isn't that just great." I muttered sitting up. "Neither of us can remember anything else from that night." I pulled the heart monitor off my finger and stood up.

"Whoa, whoa Liv you should probably stay there." He said pushing me back onto the bed.

"Elliot, we have work to do; I'm fine." I said. I searched for my clothes.

"Here." Elliot handed me a bag. He looked at me upset. "You should probably stay here." He said.

"Thanks and no." I said. I pulled out a pair of paints and a blouse.

"You brought me work clothes. You know me too well." I smiled as I pulled on a pair of black slacks. He laughed. I pulled the hospital gown off and started to button up my sapphire blouse.

"El eyes up." I smirked. He shook his head.

"No, I was wondering when you-uh did this?" He walked up to me and stepped close. He pulled up my shirt and pushed my pants down a little lower. He rubbed his thumb over a black butterfly on my hip. I smirked. I pulled his hands away from my clothes and straightened my shirt.

"When I was in college." I answered. He smiled.

"You have any more?" He asked.

"You'll just have to find out." I smirked bending down to slide on my heels. Did I actually say that? I must still be doped up. Then again, it's been a while since Elliot had been this close to me, for this reason. And with his divorce finalized, it was completely moral. Well, maybe not completely. I straightened up raked my fingers through my shoulder length hair.

"Ow, God dammit." I cried out.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"I touched my stitches." I said. "How the hell am I supposed to wash and brush my hair?" I said.

"You're supposed to stay here." A doctor was standing in the doorway.

"Look Dr. Smyth, I have to get back to work." I said trying to ignore the throbbing in my head.

"I know Olivia, you never stay here if you can walk; as long as you're mobile you are out of here as soon as you're patched up." He said. I smiled.

"See you understand." I said. I looked around and then at Elliot. "Where is my phone?" I asked. He dug into his blazer pocket.

"Here happy birthday." He laughed sarcastically. "Apparently when you blacked out you dropped your phone which broke…so I thought just maybe you would need a new one." He handed me a blue LG EnV 3.

"Thanks El." I smiled.

"All your contacts are in there." He said. I pushed *1 and Elliot's number showed up on my screen.

"You got my speed dials right?" I laughed. He smirked. I pushed *2 and Captain's number showed up. The phone rang, and rang, and rang.

"Cragen." He said.

"Hey Cap, Elliot and I are on our way over." I said as I pulled my blazer out of the bag.

"No, Olivia, you and Stabler go home. Get some rest. Munch and Fin are working on the case." He said urgently.

"We're fine." I said pulling my blazer on as Elliot held the phone to my ear.

"No. If either of you come in I will have you both suspended." He said.

"Fine." I said quickly and hung up.

"What's the verdict?" Elliot asked.

"He wants us to go home. Get some rest." I said.

"And you Olivia 'Stubborn' Benson are going to do as he says." He asked me as we went out to the nurses' station to sign me out.

"He says if either of us goes back we'll be suspended. What else am I to do?" I asked.

"Normally you'd find a way around it." He said. I smirked at him.

"Maybe the hit did more damage than we thought it did." I said.

"Don't say that." He said.

"I forgot to bring you a coat so, here." He wrapped his coat around me.

"It's snowing?" I laughed as we walked out into the cold. "How long was I out?" I asked.

"Three days." He answered.

"Three?" I said. "Jeez; what a waist of time." He laughed. Then sobered up.

"Yeah, the day after they stitched you up you woke up screaming, having a nervous break down. You had another one after that one." He told me. "It drove me crazy, they wouldn't let me see you? I could only stand outside as you screamed my name. I wanted to help you. I wanted to be there for you." He said. So it wasn't a dream.

"Why wouldn't they let you in?" I asked getting in Elliot's car.

"They said you weren't stable, you were traumatized." He said.

_I pulled my phone out and called the captain. _

"_Hey, I need Munch and Fin." I said._

"_They are already out, Elliot called. Why aren't you together?" He asked._

"_I had to deal with a traumatized girl. It didn't work out well. She ran." I said. _

The girl.

"Why don't we go to my apartment?" I opened my mouth to protest. "You _just_ got out of the hospital from head trauma. I don't think you should be alone." He said.

"Okay." I muttered.

"Wow…folded twice in one day. A new record Miss Benson." He said. We laughed.

"Did Cragen tell you about bringing in and talking to a girl named Sarah Luis?" I asked.

"No, he hasn't told me anything about the case. He said that we were off the case and that I was to stay with you until you woke up." He said driving out of the hospital parking garage. "And then I was to stay with you after, to make sure you were okay." He said.

"Thanks Elliot." I smiled.

"No problem Liv." He said.

When we reached his apartment we ran to the door to get inside. The snow was coming down harder and we could barely see.

"Wow, one of the worst blizzards in a few years?" I said pulling off his heavy coat and hanging it on his coat rack. His shirt however was soaked.

"He El, you should probably take that off before you freeze to death." I said making my way to the kitchen. I put some water in the coffee pot and the coffee grounds in. I walked back out to the living room and he was unbuttoning his shirt with shaking fingers. He was having trouble and only on the second one.

"Oh come here." I walked to him and started to unbutton his shirt. "You shouldn't have given me your coat. It's freezing out there." I said sliding the damp cold shirt off of his body.

"I didn't want you to freeze." He said his bottom lip shaking. I rubbed his arms.

"Well your thin shirt did absolutely nothing to help you." I said as I started to unbutton my shirt.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he started to shake more. His apartment was cold too. "Body heat." I said "Is faster." I discarded my shirt onto the floor and hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his back and he did the same. He was so cold. We had to park about a block away so he just got soaked with snow out there.

"Why is your apartment so cold?" I asked.

"I wasn't here. For the last three days I was with you at the hospital." He said. His lip had stopped shaking. His skin didn't feel so much like ice anymore. But I didn't let go, and neither did he. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Elliot, you do too much for me." I said. He pulled away.

"To make up for the all years I was wrong." He said.

"Don't say that. Your family, your kids, they mean everything to you." I said.

"I only wish, they could be our kids." He said.

"You loved Kathy." I said. I knew he did. It broke my heart to say it. But he had loved Kathy.

"Not anymore, Olivia, It's you. It has always been you. Since the first day we met…all the way back in preschool." He said.

"Don't. Elliot. Don't say it. If you say it, you are opening years of unresolved issues. Issues that before now weren't a big deal because we could never be." I sighed. "If 'us' happens life will never be the same again." I closed my eyes. "I'm afraid to hear it Elliot. I'm afraid we'll repeat our mistakes." I said. I felt his strong arms wrap around me.

"Olivia. You don't have to be afraid." He paused and I opened my eyes. He stared into them.

"I love you Olivia. There is _nothing_ that will tear me away." He said. I wanted to cry. He said it. Those three dreaded words. The words I never, and always, wanted to hear from his lips. He kissed me. It had been so long. I moaned. I had never realized how much my body had been aching for Elliot's touch. He undid my bra. I quickly pulled his pants off as he undid mine. The coffee maker beeped.

"Forget it." I said pushing Elliot down on the couch. "I know something that will make us _way_ warmer." I said.

"Liv." He groaned as I caressed his chest with the tips of my fingers. "Is this okay, with your head injury?" He asked. I leaned forward, like the first time we had sex.

"Elliot Stabler, I want you to make love to me." I whispered in his ear. I kissed him softly. His knowing hands traveled up my ass to my hips and onto my back. He held me to him.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do just that." He smiled and kissed me back gently.

We lay on the couch wrapped in a blanket. I was on top of him; my head on his chest. He had finally gotten up and turned the heat up and now we were just lying together. His hands traveled up and down my spine. I was exhausted. It had been a long day even though I had been asleep for most of it. When you're drugged your mind doesn't actually rest, so therefore you aren't actually sleeping. Think of it more as…hibernating, or being on autopilot. I'm not using any effort but still burning full. It's really a lousy system. If they are going to drug you at least let you get some good sleep.

"You hungry?" He asked me after several minutes of silence.

"Starving." I replied. He smiled and stood up holding me in his arms. I was wearing my underwear and one of his shirts. He wore a pair of pajama pants.

"What shall we have?" He set me on the counter and looked through the fridge.

"Ice cream." I smiled. He laughed.

"Just like old times." He said. It used to be, that for some reason every time we had sex I'd have an insane craving for nicotine; but since at that time I was quitting, we would just have ice cream. It helped a little. Now since I had quit again, I wanted ice cream.

"What kind?" He asked.

"The only kind I know you have?" I smiled. He pulled out a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. The same kind we would have many years ago. He got two spoons and two bowls. After piling two mountains of ice cream he handed me a bowl.

"Bon Appetite" He said.

"You know, we have to talk." I said after finishing my last bite of ice cream.

"Yeah…but tonight. Let's just…relax." He said setting his bowl on the counter. He picked me up and carried me back to the living room.

"Let's watch Law and Order." I said as he set me on the floor. He sat on the couch and I stretched out beside him and put my head in his lap. We ended up falling asleep on the couch stretched out beside each other. I had missed it so much. But I was afraid of what was going to come.

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**So did ya like it? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? Review please!**

**Review this story, write a song, read a teleprompter, hit a baseball, drink a sprite, and have a nice day!**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	3. Promises

**Okay, this is a short chapter. I just had an idea, wrote it, now it is 2:18 am and I'm exhausted. So I hope you like it. **

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When I woke up I didn't know where I was. I sat up. Elliot's apartment. Why was I there? I was sitting on his couch. Wearing a shirt; his shirt. Then it hit me, I remembered what had happened. I put my hand over my eyes. What had we done? We couldn't do this. Not again. I couldn't handle my heart being broken.

"Morning." Elliot said. I pulled my hand away from my eyes and looked at him. He was wearing a pair of grey slacks. And that was it. His bare chest was perfect. I closed my eyes. My head was hurting.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

"Could I have some aspirin?" I asked.

"Sure." He walked back the hallway and came back a minute later with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. I took the bottle, shook two pills out and swallowed them dry. I put that cap back on the bottle and handed it to him.

"You alright?" He asked me. No. How could I tell him that I was scared out of my mind of him rejecting me? How could I tell him that last night was the worst, and maybe best, night of my life? How did I think we were ready for this, this commitment? How? I furrowed my brow staring at my hands that were clasped in my lap. I was trying very hard not to cry, I swallowed hard. My throat burned with all the tears that I hadn't cried. He sat down beside me and began to rub my back.

"Liv, honey, do you want to go back to the hospital?" He asked. I let out a strangled sob.

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"_Liv, honey, do you want me to take you back to the hospital?" He asked as I poured about a gallon of peroxide on my bleeding wound. _

"_You know that won't help." I grabbed a towel and dried off the cut. _

"_We could try."_

"_Elliot you don't understand! They think I'm a suicidal teen! Just another Goddamned girl who can't bear to live another day." I yelled at him. _

"_They don't think that." He tried to comfort me. I yanked my arm away from him._

"_They do! I've been there six times this month. Six fucking times!" I screamed. I was angry. Pissed at the world and everything in it. I couldn't think straight. I wanted justice. I wanted people to believe me. Nobody ever believed me. I was just a drama queen in their eyes. I was just begging for attention. If I could have my way, I would be out of everyone's attention. I would just sit back and watch. But I can't and I know I can't. If you sit back on the sidelines you never do anything. You don't leave your mark on the world. You are nothing. I want to help people. People like me, people like my mother. She was raped…I was that horrible, tragic reminder…every fucking day of what happened to her. That's why she resented me. That's why I resented myself. _

"_Why hasn't someone asked any questions?" He asked handing me the gauze._

"_I'm a sixteen year old girl, would you believe me?" I asked tilting my head to the side. I said it like I was asking if it were going to rain. _

"_Yes! I would believe you! Olivia I am tired of this shit, she can't treat you like this. And get away with it!" He yelled. I shook my head from side to side slowly. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them, I tried but I couldn't. I raked my hands through my hair mercilessly, painfully, trying to get myself to stop crying. Elliot grabbed me by the shoulders._

"_I'm gonna get you help." He whispered. "I promise." He grazed his thumb over a bruise on my arm. I shook my head again crying hard.  
_

"_I don't believe in promises." I muttered into his shoulder.  


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_**What will Olivia say back in the present? If she spills her guts how will Elliot react? What will happen when Olivia starts to remember events from that night, and remembers her father? Stay tuned for more :D**_

**I am going on vacation next week on Wednesday. I don't know if I can write or upload anything while I'm gone...for ten days. So I could write one big chapter uploaded on Wednesday...4k words maybe more...or short chapters everyday until I leave. It's up to you. Review to tell me. If I don't get reviews...the story gets written when I want to write it...I like it either way. **

**~BensonBaby  
**


	4. Safe

**Well this one is actually longer than I thought it was going to be, but I had fun writing it and that's what matters. Olivia's father isn't mentioned in this chapter. It ended up being all about Olivia and Elliot. Oh well. Hope you like.  


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"Whoa, whoa Olivia, what's wrong?" He asked. I took a deep ragged breath.

"No, I don't want to go to the hospital." I said looking up at him.

"What's wrong?" He stared at me. His eyes searching mine. I looked away. He could read me so wonderfully well through my eyes, I didn't want him to know that I doubted him.

"Liv, come on. You can tell me anything. I mean hell, we've told each other everything for years." I shook my head from side to side.

"No, not everything." I said looking into his eyes. He grasped my hand.

"What didn't you tell me?" He asked.

""Lots of things, well I guess it could all be pushed into one giant thing." I said.

"What is it?" His eyes narrowed. He was confused. If the moment wasn't so serious and I wasn't so upset I would have laughed. When his face got like that it always made him seem so young and inquisitive.

"I can't do this." I whispered.

"What, you can't do what? Us?" He asked. I nodded my head. I heard him swallow harshly.

"Why?" He asked.

"Do you know what you did to me when you stopped writing?" I looked into his blue eyes. "Stopped calling? Cut off all contact. Elliot I thought you were dead! But I called and they said you were fine."

"I didn't eat for a week. My roommate finally had to call the nurse. I didn't talk to anyone unless I absolutely had to for a month. Elliot. You hurt me bad, real bad. I forgave you. But I can't go through that again. I just can't." I started with my voice loud but when I finished I was whispering trying not to cry. I didn't need to cry. Even though I wanted Elliot. God, I wanted him more than anything. I wanted to love him, and marry him and have his children but I couldn't stand it if he left.

"Liv, come on…look at me." He said pulling my face gently toward him and brushing my hair back out of my face.

"You know I had to leave you when Maureen was born. I didn't want to. But I had to. I had to take responsibility." He said trying to beg with his eyes. I put my hand on his face.

"El, I didn't want to hurt you. I _did_ forgive you for that. I understand why you had to. I just don't understand why you slept with her in the first place." I said. He looked back at the hallway.

"Wait here." He got up and walked out of the living room. I looked at where he was sitting confused and little upset that he just got up and left. He came back holding a small wooden box.

"You're going to hate me. Because I ruined our lives out of jealousy." He sat down next to me. I cocked my head to the side.

"What?" I asked.

"These, are all of the letters you wrote to me. Every single one." He opened the box and pulled out a pile of envelopes. I took one from him and opened it.

_I sat at my desk comfortably. I had just got done writing an essay for the harshest professor yet and didn't feel like going to sleep. Mostly because the shit load of coffee I drank. I pulled out a blank sheet of paper. _

_Dear Elliot,_

_God, I miss you. It's been almost four months since I've seen you, touched you, tasted you. And I feel terrible. I'm burying myself in work so I don't think about you as much. You know this is your fault. All because you stuck around with me since I was four. You've been my constant companion, best friend, and lover. Elliot I wish there was a way that I could explain it through a letter. You are my life. I realize that now. They say distance makes love stronger. What do you think? I am happy that I will someday soon be able to help people. Even though it is a long hard journey, I want to help. It might be some kind of selfish satisfying goal, but I need to do this. I wish we could talk longer on the phone than we do. It's just…we're swamped with work. I hope you're having a great time out there. And I hope you're making new friends. I am! Despite the constant missing you I have made a few friends. I love you, Elliot._

_Love, _

_Olivia. _

_I sat back in my chair and sighed. I ran my fingers over the creased and crumpled letter that Elliot had sent me last week. I kept it with me constantly. Unfolding it every now and then just to read what he had to say. Feeling my heart flutter when I read that he loved me. It was on paper. No longer just spoken word. This was proof. I folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. I wrote his address on it and put it in my bag. I would send it out the very next day. I stood up turned out the desk light and went to bed. I would be dreaming of him._

"All of them?" I smiled at him.

"Yeah." He said.

"All these years?"

"Yeah."

"Elliot, you are too…perfect." I whispered.

"No I'm not. Olivia. The reason I ever slept with Kathy was because you said that someone asked you out. I was stupid. You didn't say you turned them down…I assumed. I acted out of rage, and jealousy. I got drunk. She…she was there. She kissed me and I didn't stop her." He rambled on.

"One drunken stupid night ruined our lives. It gave me a wonderful daughter…beautiful children, but a wife I resented. Hated even. I ruined so many lives because I was selfish." He put his head in his hands.

"Liv, I always wanted it to be you. You that I stood in front of the altar with, you the woman to carry my children, you to be the one I went home to every night." He mumbled through his hands. I took a deep breath.

"But you weren't."

"No. I wasn't." I said. I was confused. Someone had asked me out? I forgot even writing that. Something I had totally forgotten had stayed in his head for this long. And by the looks of it he was still beating himself up over it.

"Hey, I don't hate you." I said slightly more upbeat. For his sake. "It doesn't matter why. It happened. Can't turn back the clock. Gotta live with what we did." I paused and grabbed his hand.

"Because we did it." I finished. He looked at me.

"Liv, you're amazing. Do you know that?" He smiled.

"I had a hunch." I laughed.

"Yeah, well let's go get some breakfast." He said.

"Okay, but let's swing by my place first. I want to get different clothes." I stood up and pulled on my black paints and just left Elliot's shirt on.

"Yeah sure." He walked back the hallway. He came back wearing a black shirt and gray tie. I pulled my heels on.

"We're going to work today?" I asked genuinely surprised.

"I'm going to see what I can do." He answered. I twisted my hair up and grabbed my phone.

"Let's go." I smiled and led the way out of his apartment. I was still worried. But now, I felt safe again. With Elliot it was too easy to talk to him. Everything was too easy around him. We were best friends. And if we were going to try 'us' we were going to make damn sure it worked. I knew that. For a fact.

"I'm driving." I said grabbing the keys out of his hands.

"Fine." He sighed settling his arm around my waist.

I felt like I had him again. Right there in my grasp. Like I said, in the end he always does it for me. No matter what it is. He is there. And all mine. And that made me smile.

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**I hope you liked it very much! I had fun writing it...hopefully uploading another short chapter tomorrow. I must get to sleep now. It's 2:00 am...see what you people do to me. LOL no I love writing. **

**Do you think Olivia and Elliot can make their relationship work?**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	5. Forever

**Short chapter, decided to mix it up and make it a songfic. The next chapter that I will upload today will be a flashback companion chapter to this. Meaning it will also be a songfic. I had a lot of fun writing this. Hope you have fun reading it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, If I did E/O shippers would be ALOT happier. Dick Wolf owns it and he is torturing us with the sexual tension and love between them. I also don't own I Love You Forever Always (I forget who does)  
**

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_Feels like, I'm standing in a timeless dream  
Of light mists, of pale amber rose  
Feels like, I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent  
Touching, discovering you_

_Those days, of warm rains come rushing back to me  
Miles of windless, summer night air  
Secret moments, shared in the heat of the afternoon  
Out of the stillness, soft spoken words_

I sat brooding in the passenger seat. When Elliot and I reached the car he had pushed me against the car, and kissed me passionately. His hand slipped into my pants pocket and pulled the keys out and now I was stuck in the passenger seat as we made our way to my apartment. I glared over at him. A smile stretched over his face and he glanced at me.

"You're incredibly sexy when you pout." He said. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You don't deserve to see my sexiness." I turned my face and looked out the window at a people wrapped up in coats and scarves trying to shield themselves from the cold. He laughed. I couldn't stop the slow sly smile the broke my serious demeanor. His hand moved to my thigh and I grazed his rough skin with the tip of my finger nail. He pulled over to the curb in front of my apartment building.

"Want me to come with you?" He asked.

"There isn't any point in saying no, you'll just come anyhow." I smiled. He nodded his head.

"It's almost disturbing how well you know me." He touched my cheek.

"Like wise." I opened the car door and stepped out. Elliot and I made our way up to my apartment. I unlocked the door and we stepped inside. He closed the door behind us. I flipped the switch to the living room and light illuminated the area. I pulled off Elliot's NYPD jacket off and handed it to him. He set it on the couch and slid his hands up my sides pulling his shirt off. I pulled away from him and smiled.

"I told you _I_ wanted to drive." I smirked and walked to the bedroom leaving him to stand alone in the living room holding his t-shirt. I stripped off my clothing and pulled on a black pair of underwear and a black bra. I rifled through my one of my drawers and pulled out a magenta sweater, not my usual color but nice none the less. I pulled on a pair of nice black jeans. I looked professional as per usual. My hair had come undone and hung playfully around my face. It made me look approachable; which was something I liked to strive for when working with people who needed to trust me. I pulled my holster belt on and pushed my badge onto it. Where was my gun? I tried to think hard back to that night but everything was pretty fuzzy on the subject. I remember screaming Elliot's name, and I remember holding him in my arms trying to wake him up. But other than that, nothing. The doctor said the blow to the head affected my memory of that night. I might get bits and pieces back or maybe nothing. The door opened and Elliot walked in.

"You look gorgeous." He twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. He pressed his body up against mine and kissed my neck. I smiled and closed my eyes.

_I love you, always forever  
Near and far, closer together  
Everywhere, I will be with you  
Everyday, I will devour you  
I love you, always forever  
Near and far, closer together  
Everywhere, I will be with you  
Everyday, I will devour you_

_You've got, the most unbelievable  
blue eyes I've ever seen  
You've got, me almost melted away  
As we lay there, under a blue sky  
with pure white stars  
Exotic sweetness, a magical time_

He pulled his lips away from my neck and looked at me through the mirror. I looked at us. How right we looked, and how natural we looked standing there embraced in love.

_Say you'll love me, love me forever  
Never stop, not for whatever  
Near and far and always and  
everywhere and everything_

I turned around and kissed his lips.

"I love you Elliot." I smiled.

"I love you too Olivia." He kissed me again.

_Say you'll love me, love me forever  
Never stop, not for whatever  
Near and far and always and  
everywhere and everything_

I pulled away from him and started to make my way out of the room, I grabbed my leather jacket and put my phone and keys in the pockets. I made my way out of the apartment. Elliot ran out after me. He closed the door behind him and ran up to my side. He pushed me against the wall. Kissed me. Stared into my eyes. And said.

"Forever and Always."

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**Awwwww! Review if you like (I sure would.) **

**Read a book, write a novel, quote a bibliography, copy an encyclopedia, borrow a dictionary, and review this story. **

**~BensonBaby  
**


	6. Aftermath

**Flashback to the college days for Olivia. Sad and angst-y. About a week or so after Elliot's letter was supposed to have come. She lost the only friend she's had. She lost the only person who knew her. Its short, sweet and to the point. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. If I did I would be Olivia. :D Oh and I don't own Don't Wake Me (Skillet does)  
**

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I went to bed I was thinking about you  
Aint the same since I'm living without you  
All the memories are getting colder  
All the things that I wanna do over

Went to bed I was thinking about you  
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to  
When I see you in my dreams at night  
It's so real but it's in my mind

_I collapsed on my bed after another day of torture. Today I was called to talk to my French professor. She wanted to know if something was wrong. I just shook my head trying not to think about Elliot. But it never worked. I always thought about him. I pulled out a piece of paper and a set it on one of my law text books. I twirled a pen between my fingers. Thinking._

_Dear Elliot, _

_Darling, I know you are seeing someone else now. So, we should stop seeing each other. _

_I crossed it out. _

_Dear Elliot, _

_If you are seeing someone you can't see me. I'm not that kind of girl_

_I scribbled over that one._

_Dear Dumbass, _

_STAY AWAY,_

_Love _

_From, _

_Olivia Benson._

_I crumbled the paper up and tossed it in the trash can beside my bed filled with other letters I had tried to write. My head hurt, and my stomach ached. I curled up on my bed and started to sob, eventually I drifted off to sleep. _

And now  
I guess  
This is as good as it gets

_I slipped into a blissful dream of Elliot and I swinging in the old abandoned park around midnight. Where he first told me he loved me. _

Don't wake me  
Cause I don't wanna leave this dream  
Don't wake me  
Cause I never seem to stay asleep enough  
When it's you I'm dreaming of  
I don't wanna wake up

Don't wake me  
Were together just you and me  
Don't wake me  
Cause were happy like we used to be  
I know I've gotta let you go  
But I don't want to be alone.

_I awoke to someone talking, presumably my roommate. Who I hadn't talked to in about a week. I closed my eyes trying to fall back asleep, desperately trying to grasp at the dream that was drifting away as I stayed awake. _

"_I think she needs help. She hasn't eaten in maybe four or five days." I overheard my roommate Blair say. _

"_Yeah, uh, she's like really quiet and stays in bed almost all the time." She spoke quietly, but not enough so that I couldn't hear her. _

"_No, those are the only odd things she has been doing." _

"_Okay. I'll call you if she gets worse or continues to not eat." She hung up. I stared at the wall for a while before finally closing my eyes again. _

I went to bed I was thinking about you  
And how it felt when I finally found you  
It's like a movie playing over in my head  
Don't wanna look cause I know how it ends  
All the words that I said that I wouldn't say  
All the promises I made that I wouldn't break  
It's last call, last song, last dance  
Cause I can't get you back, can't get a second chance

And now, I guess  
This is as good as it gets

**A smile slid over Olivia's face as she slept once again dreaming about Elliot and her when they were younger. She knew it wasn't going to get better. If dreaming was how she could get to him; she would sleep all the time. She thought about how if she had just said the right things, or didn't say certain things when they fought that he would still be there. Still be with her. But she didn't want to do that. She wanted to be herself. And that was who she was going to be.  


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****I hope you liked it! Review if you wish. (I wish you would, tee hee) Going to upload another chapter tomorrow.  
**

**Write a letter, write a story, write a poem, write a invite, write a review**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	7. Threats

**A/N I worked pretty hard on this chapter even though I was exhausted. It's not the best but it is good. **

**Disclaimer: Oh would you look at that, I don't own anything.  


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**Elliot and I ended up at the car and I walked around to the driver's side. I flashed a smile at Elliot before unlocking the doors and getting in. I couldn't get that damn happy grin off my face. I had what I had wanted for years and now I just couldn't stop being happy. But there was still a shadow of worry in the back of my mind. Telling me, that if he could cheat on me once, he could certainly do it again. And that; scared me to death. I chuckled lightly as I started the car and Elliot slammed the door after he got in.

"What are you laughing at?" He asked. I looked at him and dropped my hands from the steering wheel into my lap.

"That was the first thing you said to me when we met. Remember?" I smiled. He reached for my hand and pulled it into the middle between us.

"Yeah. I remember." He patted my hand lightly and smiled.

"I can't remember when my mom first hit me. Or when she first stole money from me. I can't remember how many doctors I've seen but I can always remember you." I murmured pulling my hand out of his and starting the car.

"You're stuck in my mind. Out of everything that should scar me and ruin me…you made it all go away. That's why I need you. It's selfish, but I can't live without you. That's why I'm so scared." I drove in the direction of the precinct my eyes fixed on the road. I would not; could not look at him. If I did I would melt and disappear. It was amazing and disastrous what his look could do to me.

"You're not selfish, Liv. You're broken and scarred; I'm putting you back together." He said. I scoffed.

"I'm not broken." I said defiantly.

"You're right, your life was perfect you grew up in a loving home where there was always heat and food and love. And Christmas wasn't the worst time of the year because you weren't cold. And you weren't always in some sort of pain. You had an amazing life Liv." He was almost yelling now. "It was just perfect!"

"Fine! What do you want me to say Elliot. My life was crap? Huh? You want me to tell you that every night I would cry myself to sleep unless I was in your arms? Is that what you want to hear?" I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were white.

"No. I just want you to know I'm there for you." He said.

"You're always there for me. Even when you were married you were there for me." I said. We reached the precinct. I turned the car off and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I loved you too much to leave you alone." He said. I just stared at him.

"I told you, you do too much for me." I sighed.

"I do as much as you deserve." I smacked him lightly on the arm.

"What was that for?" He asked in mock pain.

"For sweet talking your way through everything." I stuck my tongue out. We got out of the car and walked into the building. Before we walked into the bullpen I grabbed Elliot's wrist and pulled him close to me. I kissed him.

"Don't say anything, its just like it was last week." I said walking in before he could say anything. I pulled my coat off and set it on my desk chair. A manila envelope lay on my desk. It had my name on it. I picked it up, it was pretty heavy and pretty full. Elliot came up beside me and picked up an envelope on his desk.

"What is it?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders. I started to open it.

"Benson! Stabler! My office. Now!" Cragen yelled out. I sighed.

"Busted." I muttered as Elliot and I made our way to his office. I kept hold of the envelope in my hands but Elliot put his down.

"What are you doing here?" Captain asked sternly when I shut the door.

"You said not to come in…I assumed you meant yesterday." I answered pulling the flap open and dumping the contents into my hand. My gun. And a piece of paper. Cragen stared at me.

"What is that?" He asked.

"My gun. I lost it…that night." I set it on the desk and unfolded the piece of paper.

**Dear Darling Olivia, **

**It's really too bad you endangered your life this way. And your partner's life too. All I wanted was some understanding and love from my daughter. But you denied me that. And now you and your little lover will pay.  
**

**Love,**

**Your father.**

I dropped the paper immediately. Oh God. It all came rushing back. The gunshots, the girl, getting hit and waking up beside Elliot, my head had hurt so bad. I didn't even feel it. My adrenaline was pumping so much. I just had to get us out of there. That man, saying he was my father. I shuddered to think of him. I wanted to scream. Elliot walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Come on Liv, lets go." He guided me out to my desk and sat me on my chair. I watched him grab his envelope and walk back into Cragen's office. I put my head in my hands. I couldn't stand it. I stood up and stormed into the office. Cragen and Elliot were bent over the letter reading it on the desk. I guess making sure they wouldn't get prints on it. I walked over to them and read it too.

**Dear Det. Elliot Stabler,**

**You know it really is improper for a girl's boyfriend not to meet the father. I should give you my permission to date my daughter. But you've just been fucking her for so long it really didn't seem to be an issue right? And I wasn't around? Well, it's too bad she ruined your chances of being together. Unless you count being buried together…together.**

**Sincerely,**

**Wouldn't you like to know.**

"Captain, where is the man who was handcuffed to the bar in that room?" I asked.

"What man?" He turned to me.

"The man who I had handcuffed before I passed out." I cried desperately.

"There wasn't anyone there but you and Stabler." He looked at me confused. Oh God.

I passed out.  


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**I don't really know if she would have passed out. But like I said. I'm exhausted. For the past four nights I have been staying up until 1-2 a.m. cranking these chapters out. But its okay I like writing them. I like the quiet too. It lets me think. Let me know what you think. **

**~BensonBaby**


	8. Bloodlines

**Sorry for the delay and no update yesterday but my laptop was taken away from me last night. But here you go. Chapter Eight. Enjoy.  


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I woke up in the cribs. My back was screaming at how uncomfortable the beds were. I sat up and blinked the sleep out of my eyes. I looked around and found I was alone in the room. I sighed. I didn't want to go out there; I didn't want to face everyone. It was like I was the only person there who could ever get injured, who could ever get in trouble. They never acted the way they do around me around anyone else. Why was I the only one who ever needed to be watched? They acted like I was a kid. I covered my face with my hands. I breathed slowly and deeply. No need to get worked up over this. I heard the door open and close.

"Hey." Elliot whispered. I uncovered my eyes and looked at him. He flashed a brief one sided smile.

"Hey." I returned, doing the same. He walked over and sat beside me, the bed creaked beneath our weight.

"You want to talk?" Elliot asked wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I shook my head and leaned into him closing my eyes.

"Okay. You don't have to." He replied and started to rub my back lightly. I couldn't help but think I didn't deserve him. Even though he left me so long ago over a stupid immature mistake, I still felt like I wasn't worth it. Worth _him_. A smile played over my lips lightly. I had Elliot Stabler. He was with _me_. Holding _me_. Loving _me_. What more could I ask for?

Except the man who claimed to be my father put away. For a very long time. But first we had to find him.

"I'm ready to talk." I mumbled. I sat up straight and ran my hand over my eyes. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and combed my fingers through my bangs. Elliot stood up in front of me. I stared at him expectantly.

"What?" I asked as he watched me.

"Captain wants you to talk to Huang." He said. I stood up quickly.

"I have no interest in being evaluated on how much I can handle from this case." I replied.

"He says if you don't you will be assigned to desk duty." Elliot followed me out of the room.

"Why does he always have to do this to us?" I exhaled sharply as I ran into Captain Cragen.

"Do what to you?" he turned around. I shrunk three feet under his glare. I felt like a little girl.

"I-uh-meant." I paused and glanced back at Elliot. "I don't want to talk to Huang." I answered standing up straight. I never let my fear stand in the way of sticking up for what I want. You can never let someone walk all over you because you are afraid. Not that I think Captain would take advantage of that. Its just one of my main rules.

"Olivia, come on I think its best." He said slowly. "You and your partner have to talk to him. If either of you chooses not to _both_ your asses will be on desk duty." He said throwing an assertive glance over my shoulder.

"Fine, but I'm only doing this because I would feel guilty if Elliot was stuck here because of me." I brushed past him.

"That's fine with me; as long as you talk to him, I don't care why. He is in interrogation room A." He said and walked into his office. I sat down on my seat, my gun was sitting on the desk. I picked it up slowly and held it aloft in front of me. I could just imagine shooting that guy. If he comes anywhere near Elliot or myself I will kill him. Self defense of course, because I don't want _anything_ to hurt my best friend.

"So, let's get this party started." I stood up and started toward the back hallway. Elliot grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"What are we telling him?" He asked

"The truth."

* * *

"How long have you known Detective Stabler?"

"Since I was five."

"How long have you known your father?"

"I've never met my father."

"This man claims to be your father, how does that make you feel?"

"Angry."

"Why?"

"Because, my father is dead. And if he is not that means the man who raped my mother stood in front of me and I did nothing about it."

"If you knew this man was your mother's rapist what would you have done?"

"I-I don't know."

"Would you hurt him?"

I didn't answer.

"Would you arrest him?"

I didn't say anything.

"Would you kill him?"

I continued to sit in silence.

"Can we uh-pick this up later? I finally asked quietly.

"Sure, we'll take a ten minute break."

I stood up and walked out of the room afraid that I may have ruined my chances of staying in this unit. I walked out of the room and past friends as they stared at me. I grabbed my coat and answered quietly to the questions asked.

"How'd it go?"

"Fine."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you going?"

"A walk."

"It's snowing."

"I know."

I walked out of the building in a rush. I gasped for air and felt the cold rip at my lungs and somehow still felt like I couldn't breath. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes but I blinked quickly to keep them in check. I had kept myself so strong for years and finally I was beginning to crumble. My life that I had somehow fabricated into being this normal, everyday life I lived, was being unwoven and revealed for what it is. And what it is is hell. We all live in hell. But most of us aren't exposed to it everyday. I signed up for this act long ago.

And now I must live it.  


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**I made her more...melodramatic than she probably is but it fits this chapter I suppose. Next chapter I am putting in the reason behind Elliot and Kathy's divorce. Try and guess. I bet you'll be wrong.**

~BensonBaby


	9. Attraction

**Hey guys! Here is chapter NINE! Almost to chapter ten! Looks like there will be ten chapters when I leave for Cali! I hope you like this. Here is why Elliot and Kathy got divorced. Its in the end. I couldn't add anymore to this chapter cause my laptop gets taken from me at 10:30 now *sigh* Well here you go.**

**Timeline is screwed up in my story. And baby Elliot was never born.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, thanks for rubbing it in. **

**

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**

When I walked back into the precinct it was weirdly quiet, only every now and then a phone would ring. Elliot was talking to Huang, Munch and Fin were talking in the corner and I could see that Captain was sitting in his office. I walked slowly to my desk and sat down. It felt like any sudden movement could cause disruption. Like the world was hanging by one single thread. I tapped my fingers against the desk. I was fidgeting too much. I was restless. I shot up out of my seat and walked into Cragen's office.

"Hey Cap."

"What is it Olivia?" He looked up concerned.

"I uh-would like to use some of my vacation." I said slowly.

"Did Huang suggest that?"

"No. I'm suggesting it." I answered. "I just need to take a break." I smiled trying to make it seem like I was better than I really was. I resisted the urge to put my hand on the back of my head. It was beginning to hurt again. Cragen nodded.

"Okay, yeah. How does a week sound?" He replied. The crease that he gets when he is worried or upset was evident between his brows. I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes.

"That sounds good." I answered and turned around.

"Take it easy Olivia, you don't always have to be the strong one." He said as I opened the door.

"I was never the strong one." I responded before I closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door my head bowed.

"You alright?" A familiar voice asked. I shook my head.

"Take me home." I mumbled looking up into his blue eyes. I followed Elliot into the cold winter air again as we walked to his car. We got in and drove to my apartment in silence.

"Olivia, Do you"

"I just need to be alone right now. Okay?" I spoke curtly interrupting him. I didn't mean to sound rude. That was the last thing on my mind; I just had to get away.

"Call me if you need any" I slammed the car door before he could finish. I ran into my building ignoring the pained look Elliot gave me.

I burst through my apartment door, slammed it shut and fell to the floor. I hit the wall behind me as I leaned on the door. I was sobbing, crying my eyes out. I couldn't handle it. I had never, not once been affected this much by a case. For God's sake it wasn't even my case! I was just wrapped up and twisted into it unfortunately. Slowly my sobs turned into sniffles and I stood up. I glanced around my empty apartment that had, just this morning, been full of love between Elliot and I. I sat on the couch and looked at a picture of Elliot, Kathy, their kids, and myself. We were all smiling; we were all happy. I stood between Elliot and Kathy; both had their arms wrapped around me. It was amazing how effortlessly I fit into that family in a picture. But in real life I ruined that picturesque family.

* * *

"_Hey Kathy, I was surprised to hear from you this early." I said walking into the Stabler residence. Kathy's laugh was light. _

"_I just wanted to talk." She smiled. "Would you like anything to drink?" She asked. _

"_Uh, water would be fine." I answered. Lizzie and Dickie ran up to me._

"_Aunt Olivia!" They yelled in unison. _

"_Hey kids." I smiled as they wrapped their arms around me. _

"_Come on tweebs we have to get to school." Maureen and Kathleen waited at the door. _

"_Mo don't call your siblings names!" Kathy yelled. Maureen rolled her eyes._

"_Hey Liv!" Kathleen yelled before she and her siblings walked out the door. I smiled as I sat on the couch and waited for Kathy to bring me a glass full of water._

"_Thanks." I took the glass. She sat on the couch beside me. _

"_So…what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked slowly noticing we were alone in the house. I was worried that she was going to ask me if anything was going on between Elliot and I again. _

"_You." She answered strangely. Her hand came to rest on my arm. I stared at her for a moment before moving further away._

"_Uh, why?" I asked._

"_I was just wondering why you don't…date…any guys?" She smiled. I narrowed my eyes._

"_My job isn't really something guys like in a girl." I replied awkwardly. _

"_Are you sure that is the reason?" She asked. _

"_Yeah." _

"_Oh." She sat back on the couch. I sighed more relaxed. I closed my eyes clearing my head. And then it happened. One moment I was sitting there comfortable and another Kathy was on top of me. Kissing me. I pushed her off and stood up gasping for air._

"_Kathy! What are you doing?" I shouted. _

"_It's okay. It was over between Elliot and I…and we're alone." She patted the couch._

"_You're gay!" I yelled. _

"_Yeah." A smile crept over her face. I gasped. Elliot walked in from the kitchen._

"_You're gay?" He asked slowly. Kathy looked between me and Elliot._

"_You're not?" She stared at me. I shook my head rapidly. She sat back on the couch suddenly, like she deflated. _

"_Crap." She muttered.  


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_**Well there you go. Kathy is gay. That is why they ended the marriage. Apparently people think Olivia is gay...which I hate. And so I thought, Why wouldn't Kathy be different. haha I enjoyed writing this. I hope you like it. I will update tomorrow and then its off to Cali for me. I will try to write there but I have no idea if I will be able to upload anything. **

**Next chapter: We will find out why Kathy kissed Elliot all those years ago and more...**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	10. Strength

**Here is Chapter Ten. It's short. We don't find out why Kathy kissed Elliot, because it wouldn't fit into this chapter. But I had some time, in between packing for tomorrow to write this so here you go. Enjoy!  


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**"_It's okay. It was over between Elliot and I…and we're alone." She patted the couch._

"_You're gay!" I yelled. _

"_Yeah." A smile crept over her face. I gasped. Elliot walked in from the kitchen._

"_You're gay?" He asked slowly. Kathy looked between me and Elliot._

"_You're not?" She stared at me. I shook my head rapidly. She sat back on the couch suddenly, like she deflated. _

"_Crap." She muttered._

_It was silent as Elliot and I stared at Kathy, who was looking everywhere but at us. _

"_What do you want me to say?" Kathy spoke quietly. She seemed defeated. Like we were ganging up on her. Beating her down. I glanced at Elliot. _

"_Maybe I should go." I said stepping toward the door. _

"_Yeah, hey cover for me?" Elliot sat down next to his wife._

"_No problem." I gave them both a halfhearted smile. The little world they lived in; the one Elliot had tried so hard to protect was falling apart. I walked out the door. The summer breeze played with my hair. I took a deep breath and got ready for another day at work.  


* * *

_I held the picture in my hands; that was a good day, about a week or two before Kathy kissed me. It was a squad picnic. We had just close a horrendous case and thought it would be appropriate to celebrate the capture of a serial rapist. Everyone was there. Munch, Fin, the Stablers, Captain, and me. I put the picture back on the table and went to the kitchen. My head was throbbing. I opened up a cabinet and pulled out a glass. I opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk and filled up the glass. I took a sip and walked out of the kitchen through the living room and into the bathroom. I pulled a bottle of sleeping pills of out the vanity. I stared at the bottle in my hand for a moment before tipping two white tablets into my hand. I brought my hand to my mouth and swallowed the pills. I finished what was left of my milk and set it on the sink.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I said to my reflection in the mirror before turning around and walking out to the living room where I sat on the couch and continued to read a book I had been working on finishing for about six months. I just never found time to read it. And this was no different. I fell asleep within fifteen minutes of starting page 73.

* * *

I woke up to an annoying buzzing sound. It was dark in my apartment. I sat up and jumped when the book that was on my stomach fell to the ground with a loud thump. I switched on the light beside the couch. The door buzzer sounded again. I stood up and walked to the door.

"Hello." I said into the intercom.

"Liv?" A distressed voice crackled at me.

"Elliot? What are you doing here at," I looked at my watch. "3 a.m.?" I asked. There was a low rumbling and I leaned in trying to hear what it was.

"I was worried about you." He answered. Another grumbling sound.

"Can I come up?" His voice was more than worried. I couldn't figure out what was different because of the crackling intercom.

"Yeah." I pushed the button that unlocked the door downstairs. After a few minutes there was a knock at my door. I opened it and Elliot ran inside, pushed me out of the way and slammed the door shut.

"Elliot are you drunk?" I yelled.

"Call 9-1-1." He replied as something ran into the door. He locked the door.

"What the hell?" I shouted. My mind was reeling, I was finding it difficult to grasp words in my sleep induced stupor.

"It's him." Was the answer that shocked my exhaustion away. I burst into action. Grabbing the phone I dialed Captain's number.

"Olivia, you're on vaca-"

"Send uniforms to my apartment! He is here! Trying to get Elliot and me!" I yelled into the phone. I was scared. I could barely form words.

"Oh Olivia! I'm home!" The man who claimed to be my father yelled.

"Okay, we're on our way." Cragen yelled before hanging up. There was another loud crash into the door. Elliot was pushing against it too keep it closed. .

"What should I do?" I panicked. I still couldn't think strait. I couldn't remember what I had learned to do in this situations. I couldn't remember learning about these situations.

"Wait." Was all Elliot said as the guy slammed against the door again.

Oh god please let them get here soon.

* * *

**I know it was terrible of me to leave this a cliffy and having it stay that way for ten whole days. I just don't know if I am going to have the cops show up or if Olivia's 'Father' will break down the door and take them before they get there. Oh well. We'll all just have to wait and see.**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	11. Protection

**A/N: Here ya go Chapter 11. I'm back from Vaca! had lots of fun. I hope you like this chapter I worked real hard on this. I got home just this morning and slept for a few hours then went right to work. **

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I hate waiting. At best it's terrible. But now, when it is a life or death situation waiting is torture. I'm not really that religious. I don't go to church and I don't pray; but I can tell you I prayed my hardest as Elliot and I waited. There was another slam at the door as Elliot continued to push against the door. I was pacing back and forth in front of Elliot.

"Come on Livie, Daddy just wants to say hello." The man whispered. He was a psychopath, a maniac. And trust me. I have run into enough of them in my line of duty to know.

Stay calm, all I need to do is stay calm. I was expecting to here another thud as he ran into the door, but it was silent. The thumping of boots echoed outside my door.

"Olivia! Elliot!" Elliot was thrown away from the door as it was busted open. Cragen, Fin, Munch and a few officers ran into the room with guns in hand and clad in bullet proof vests.

"Clear!" Fin yelled from the back room.

"All clear!" Munch said slowly stopping behind Elliot and me. Captain, Elliot and I stared at each other.

"Well, where is he?" Captain holstered his gun.

"I have no idea. He ran when he heard you coming I guess. He never actually made it into my apartment." I shuffled to the couch and sat down. Cragen signaled for three officers to go check out the building. Although, I doubted he was going to be around. He seemed to be awfully good at getting away.

"Why won't he leave us alone and how did he get un-cuffed?" I stared at nothing in particular.

"We're trying to figure that out. How did he get up here? You have to let the person in right?" I nodded my head.

"Ask Elliot. I don't know what happened out there." Cragen looked at Elliot.

"I was worried about Olivia. I came to see if she was feeling alright. He was at the door. Waiting. He had a gun and he told me to get him up there. If I told her anything he would shoot both of us." He sat beside me. He seemed so small. So weak. I have never seen him so wracked with worry and shrunken with fear before in my life.

"What I have to say you two are not going to like. In fact you are going to hate it; but while we figure this out I think the two of you should go into Witness Protection."

"What no!" I shot up.

"Captain!" Elliot stood beside me.

"It's for your safety." He said.

"Our job isn't safe, we deal with that, come on don't do this." I cried. He was practically forcing us to do this because if we didn't he would suspend us or worse, reassign us. And I had already been reassigned once. Computer Crimes was not nearly as rewarding as Special Victims.

"I will not have you in this kind of danger." He said in a way that meant that was it. It was final. There was no turning back. Elliot and I were going into hiding, for God knows how long, and to God knows where.

"I want both of you to turn in your badges in tomorrow morning. We will work on where you will be sent." He turned to walk to the door.

"I will assume you want to be together." He said with a hint of a smile in his voice before walking out of my apartment.

"I'm sorry Baby-Girl." Fin shrugged. "But I'll be sure to work hard to get this guy to get you back." He hugged me.

"You don't want me back?" Elliot said slowly a cocky smile spread over his face.

"Eh, who wants to look at your face?" He cracked a smile and they had an awkward guy hug.

"We will work non-stop I am tired of you being sent away." Munch said looking at me through his shades. He showed no emotion as usual.

"And you well, you're part of the package aren't you?" He clamped his hand on Elliot's shoulder. With a smirk he turned around and left. And that was his goodbye.

Fin shrugged again and fallowed him out.

Elliot glanced at me.

"Should I head out?" He said apprehensively. I had really acted like a jerk earlier.

"Stay. Don't leave me."

"I won't leave you. I love you." He pulled me close to him.

"I love you too."

"Elliot, I'm scared but I don't want to go into witness protection." I mumbled into his shoulder.

"I know. But we'll be together. Think of it as…vacation."

"Yeah, vacation. Without the promise of it ever ending."

"Come on Liv, They won't stop looking for this man."

"But Elliot, he could just drop of the face of the earth. We could be stuck in this forever."

"We know these people. They will find him."

"You don't know that."

"You know what I do know?"

"What?"

"You are undoubtedly the most stubborn person in the world." I looked up at him. A smile spread across my face. His lips touched mine.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way." He laughed.

"Come on let's go. I need to get some sleep." I tugged on his arm. My front door closed. I turned my head and looked at it.

"They have guards at the door." Elliot wrapped his arms around my waist and chuckled. I felt the vibrations through my body.

"Of course they do." I turned my face toward his and laced my fingers through his. He kissed me.

"I'm sorry how I acted today."

"It's okay. I understand."

"I'm just so confused. So completely lost. I don't know what is going on. I don't know about us, I don't know about this person. My life is not as grounded as it was. I miss it." I was rambling. I walked to my room and fell on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. I heard Elliot walk in, I felt him touch my cheek.

"Come on, you can't sleep in your work clothes." He unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off. Next he slid my pants off. He left a trail of kisses up my thigh, onto my stomach and ended at my lips.

"Elliot. We were just threatened. If that's what turns you on…cool. But not me." I smirked with my eyes closed still.

"It doesn't turn me on in the least. But you laying here in front of me. Does." I opened my eyes and stared at him.

"We'll I am _so_ sorry." I laughed. I pushed myself to the top of the bed and wrapped myself in a blanket. Elliot crawled in next to me.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Elliot asked me. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"Yeah. Are you going to stay with me?"

"Yes."

"Good." I breathed out slowly. Sleep was slowly taking over me.

"Liv?"

"Hmmmm?"

"How can you sleep when you know our whole lives are going to be turned upside down tomorrow?" I opened my eyes.

"My life is already turned upside down." I answered before closing my eyes again.

"At least we'll be together."

"Yeah. At least we'll be together." I smiled. I drifted off to sleep.  


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**Not my best work but I am so happy this is up. And you know what? Drifting off to sleep sounds really good. :D**

I need suggestions as to where they should be sent. 

**Reviews are more than appreciated. They are cherished.  
**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	12. Surname

**A/N: Not too much in this Chapter. A flashback and some EO fluff. I have a lot of things to think about and research about them going into the Witness Protection Program.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I made an offer for it but they turned down my $32.95.  


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**

"_Will you shut up!" I yelled out into the hallway before slamming my door. There was more groaning. I bent over my chemistry textbook and scribbled an equation down on my notebook. Another groan. Oh God. Why won't she shut the fuck up? I slammed my book closed and grabbed my bag. I shoved my books into my bag along with a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and brushed my bangs. I pulled on my favorite hat. The one with FBI written across the front. I grabbed my cell phone and twenty six dollars off my desk. I slammed my feet into my shoes. I opened the door and squeezed the bridge of my nose as her moans got louder. I slammed my door closed. _

"_Where do you think you're going!" My mother shouted as I walked passed her kicking an empty bottle across the room. _

"_Does it matter." I said slowly. _

"_Get out of here then!" She yelled emptying yet another bottle._

_I closed the door behind me and heard the crash of a bottle being thrown at it and shattering. Another mess for me to clean up when I get home. I flipped open my phone and pushed in his number. Ring, ring, ring, ring._

"_Hello." He answered groggily. _

"_Elliot. Open your window. I'm coming over." I said._

"_Kay." _

"_Be there soon." I said into the phone and closed it. My nightly stays at the Stablers' residence seemed to be getting more often. I walked slowly through the dark. _

"_Hey Livia." The local bad boy, who really was all talk, barked at me._

"_Shut up Eddy! I am not in a good mood." I yelled brushing past him._

"_Hey bitch, I can change that real quick." He grabbed my wrist. _

"_Get your fucking hand off me or let's just say you won't have the choice of having kids some day." I yanked my hand away. _

"_Whoa, feisty." He smiled like a dumb-ass. I grabbed his arm and twisted it around. He was gasping in pain. _

"_Okay, okay Benson." He yelled as I twisted tighter. "Letmego!" He breathed out._

"_Apologize!" I growled. Call it PMS or just being moody but I was pissed off._

"_I'm sorry." He whimpered. I released his arm and threw him away. _

"_Not as much as you could be." I hissed and walked away. I jumped as my phone started to ring. _

"_Hello."I answered.  
_

"_Olivia! Where are you?" Elliot's nervous voice echoed in my ear._

"_About thirty feet from your house." I answered. He sighed loudly._

"_Why? What's wrong? You're mommy wanna tuck you in?" I smiled._

"_No. It just doesn't usually take this long for you to get here." I rolled my eyes._

"_You're paranoid. Eddy just got in my way. I dealt with him." I smiled and then felt foolish because no one was around. _

"_I am not paranoid!" He shouted indignantly. _

"_Sure. Anyhow, I am outside your room. Catch my bag." I hung up the phone and waited for his head to show above me. He held his hands out. I threw my bag up to him and he caught it. He bent over the edge and held his arms out for me. I grabbed both his hands and he pulled me up. I groaned as my stomach was scraped across the window ledge. _

"_Shhhhh." Elliot hissed. _

"_If they hear you we won't be able to see each other." _

"_Like that will stop us." I dropped my bag and kissed him. His arms wrapped around my back. We made our way to his large bed. I started to unzip his pants. He yanked away._

"_Whoa, Olivia. They definitely cannot hear us doing that." He smirked._

"_I can be quiet." I slid onto his bed. _

"_Maybe tomorrow. We'll be all alone. My parents are taking my brother and sister out." He said. _

"_Fine. But it better be amazing because I am in such a bad mood." I pulled off my hat, shirt and jeans. I kicked off my shoes. I reached into my bag and yanked my clothes on. _

"_Why are you in a bad mood?" I just stared at him. I didn't have to talk._

"_Again? You know I can probably get you in the guest room." He smiled. I rolled my eyes._

"_That is highly unlikely. You're parents do not trust me. And we're dating. That just won't sit right with your parents." I leaned back onto his bed. _

"_Do you want to go to sleep?" He asked._

"_No." _

"_Well, Liv, go to sleep anyways." He chuckled and kissed my forehead._

"_Fine." I grumbled and slid into his arm. _

"_Fine." He smirked.  


* * *

_I stretched and yawned as the early morning light shown in through my window. I reached for Elliot and my hand rested on an empty mattress. I sat up and walked to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of black jeans and a purple blouse. I slid them on and put on a belt. I held my badge in my hand. The light flashed off of it. I smiled at it. I was going to feel so naked without my badge, and my gun. I walked into the kitchen to find Elliot putting a plate of bacon and eggs on the bar.

"Eat. We stop being who we are today; that takes energy"

"Oh joy." I smiled taking a bite of bacon and a forkful of egg. We finished eating, got ready and walked out the door. I hated that we didn't know where we were heading. I was beginning to think of my new last name. I knew it was supposed to start with a 'B' because that makes it easier to state my name without thinking. But I have been undercover so many times and given fake names repetitively and I am very used to using a fake name. Plus, Elliot and I were going to pretend to be married. Just because it made things easier. That way we would have a reason to be living together and all of that difficult stuff we would have to explain. This was nothing like going undercover. We wouldn't be reporting back to the squad and they wouldn't be talking to us. We will be trading in lives. Getting a new one if we throw away the old one. We are never promised to get the old one back though.

"How about Sonler?" I asked.

"What?" Elliot said as we drove to the precinct.

"For our last name. It's a combination of both of ours." I stated.

"Why is yours first?" He whined obnoxiously.

"Because if it wasn't it would be Lerson, and then _neither_ of our last initials would be the same. Which is highly recommended." I laughed. I liked knowing facts.

"Well it could be Staben." He said. I snorted.

"Yeah, Elliot and Olivia Staben. Mr. and Mrs. Staben." He laughed with me.

"Fine…but you know I kind of like Lerson. Mr. and Mrs. Lerson." He said slowly.

"Olivia Lerson." I liked the way it rolled off my tongue. "Maybe. If Cap lets us." I smirked. "But if not, were going with Sonler. Staben sounds too much like Stabler." I said sternly.

"Yes dear." He chuckled putting his hand on my thigh. "Anything you want."

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**I always love some fluff. This is really just a filler chapter. I still don't know where I am sending them. I am thinking Texas, Arizonia, or Colorado. I also really have to think about the last name. I am stuck between Staben and Lerson. I don't very much like Sonler. But if you do, speak up, and I will take your preference to heart. **_Note: I may not use it though.  
_

**~BensonBaby**_  
_


	13. Workaholic

**A/N: Here ya go Ch. 13. I worked pretty dang hard on this one so I hope you enjoy it. Writing about the whole witness protection program isn't exactly one of the easiest tasks.  
**

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I stated that I don't own this :D  


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**Elliot and I walked into the precinct. We walked slowly because neither of us wanted to do this. I had been stalked, threatened, and mistreated but I had never had to leave the comforts of my home before.

"Oh good, you two my office." Cragen said as soon as we walked in. I sighed loudly. Elliot and I walked into the office.

"Okay. Here are your plane tickets. You will pack your bags, and be escorted by Munch and Fin to your first flight." He was explaining. I read over the tickets.

"Six plane tickets. Isn't that a bit excessive?" I asked.

"You two are in danger, and you are police. They take special priority with you." Captain said.

"You _can't _be serious." I exclaimed. "We aren't any better than normal civilians. In fact we don't need as much protection as them." I said.

"Well you can deny the protection but you know how I feel about that. I will have you followed and you will not work." He said.

"So we'll be on house arrest." I stated.

"Yes."

"Well, do we have time to think about it?" I asked.

"No. Decide now or I will decide for you."

"God dammit." I whispered. I stood up and started pacing back and forth in Cragen's small office. On one hand I would be able to stay in my own house. My own city. On the other hand being in the place he knew I live didn't sound like a bright idea. I would love staying the person I am. But I would hate not being able to work even though I was completely capable of doing so. I sat down again and looked at Elliot.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"What ever you choose. We're together 100%" He looked deeply into my eyes searching for my emotions.

"Witness Protection. I would be too paranoid staying in my apartment." I mumbled. I was lying but I didn't have any other choice. It wasn't like I could tell the truth. Cragen nodded.

"I'll make the final calls; you two will be picked up at your apartments in an hour. Be packed and ready." He said picking up a phone. Elliot and I stood up.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye." I mumbled to Captain.

"No, we'll catch him. You'll be back here by Monday morning." He said. I smiled at his hope.

"So we should pack light." I joked. He chuckled before saying hello into the phone and Elliot and I turned away.

"Hey, I'll drop you off and meet you at the airport?" He said.

"No, just go ahead. I'll catch a cab." I said.

"No, Olivia. For all we know he could be a cab driver." He looked concerned.

"Elliot, I can't spend my life thinking he could be around the corner. That life isn't worth living." I started to walk away only to be yanked back when he caught my arm.

"Just let me drop you off."

"You're just as stubborn as me."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Fine, take me home but I don't want to be blamed if you're late." I said following him to his car.

"I blame you for everything." He opened my door, because, he was just oh so gentlemanly.

"What?" I was shocked.

"I blame you for making me happy." He closed my door. I sighed.

"You're a jerk, sometimes, well…at least you're my jerk." I laughed when he got into the car.

"As long as I'm your jerk." He chuckled. We sat in silence for a while as we traveled to my apartment.

"You know, I feel like we haven't worked in ages. I'm going into work withdrawal." I tapped my fingers on the dashboard.

"Work addict?" Elliot questioned sarcastically.

"More like workaholic." I stated. He pulled up to the curb. I was tapping faster. I was just feeling so restless lately. Elliot grabbed my hand.

"Everything will be resolved soon; we will be back to work and writing reports until our fingers bleed in no time." He smirked.

"Ha ha." I quipped. He released my hand.

"I'll see you at the airport." He said as I got out of the car.

"Yeah, I'll be there." I replied. I was saying it more for my benefit than for his. I had to get it through my thick skull that I would be leaving.

* * *

I was putting the last bit of my things in my bag when I heard the door buzzer. I had jumped a little bit and cursed at myself for being so freaked out. I walked slowly over to the intercom.

"Hello."

"Hey Baby-girl."

"Come on up." I pushed the button that unlocked the front door. I went back to my room to finish packing. I heard the door open and close and then a few seconds later Fin was standing in my doorway.

"Need some help?" He asked.

"Nah, I'm pretty much finished up." I placed a few last minute things in my bag and zipped it shut.

"In fact, I'm finished now." I lifted the bag off my bed and put it on the floor.

"You pack a lot lighter than most women." He commented.

"I have a duffel bag." I stated.

"Still less than most." He chuckled.

"I suppose." I walked out to the living room rolling my luggage behind me. I grabbed my duffel bag and threw it over my shoulder.

"Let me help." He walked towards me.

"Uh-okay, could you take this down?" I asked gesturing to the luggage.

"Ya." He took both bags from me.

"Thank you."

"No problem." He mumbled and walked out the door. I walked around my home, letting my hand run over familiar territory. Things I took for granted; like how soft my carpet was, or the magazines that have never been read that sit on my coffee table, or the hole in the wall when Elliot was mad at Kathy and he got drunk. All of these things made my apartment my _home_.

"You comin'?" Fin was standing in the hallway. I was frozen holding the picture of the picnic. I blinked and the feeling came back to my body. I set the frame on the end table. I nodded, my throat tight. I walked into the hallway and looked back at my living room.

"Goodbye." I whispered before closing the door.

* * *

**So I am leaving for band camp tomorrow. I won't be coming back until Friday. I will definitely not be able to write, or come even close to writing something there. I will be working non-stop...I mean brutal training. So I will upload as soon as I have recuperated from that. Wish me luck.**

**~BensonBaby  
**


	14. Lies

**I am sad to say this is short...Embarrassingly short. I just _had_ to get something out here for you guys. I don't want to leave you hanging. It's a filler/leading up to chapter. I have some difficult decisions to make after this chapter. Well enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.  


* * *

**The car ride to the airport was silent. I was nervous. Those stupid butterflies were flying around my stomach. The hand on my thigh was tapping away like crazy. After we got out of the car Fin and I met with Elliot and Munch. It was silent as we went through security and waited in the terminal. It was silent because nobody had anything to say; because nothing anyone would say would make a difference. When it was time to board Fin handed me a manila envelope.

"Take care of yourself." He nodded his head. I turned around as Munch whispered something to Elliot.

"No." Elliot answered sullenly shaking his head.

"Alright." Munch stepped back. Elliot slipped his arm around my waist. We stepped up to the flight attendant.

"Names." She stated; normal procedure.

"Elliot and Olivia Lerson." Elliot said. That was the first lie. The first fairy tale strung out of hope that we would be safe from this madman. While in truth I will be tortured by the mere thought of him. He will haunt my mind every moment until he is caught and thrown in prison where he will rot. The woman nodded curtly as she shoved our tickets back at us. We were seats 18 A and B. I had the window seat, Elliot the isle. I set my bag on the floor and settled in for a long flight.

* * *

I woke up to Elliot shaking my shoulder slightly.

"Come on Liv, we're here." I opened my eyes to see Elliot blinking at me blankly. Four flights in one day drains you both physically and mentally. I stood up, half asleep, focusing on staying upright. I had my bag gripped tightly in my hand as I swayed into the isle. I stumbled out of the plane and Elliot wrapped his arm around my waist. I held onto him as we walked into the terminal.

"Come on Liv; let's go get our bags and head to the hotel. Reservations are already made." Elliot said. I felt like I was going to pass out. A wave of nausea rolled over me. I searched frantically around the terminal.

"I'm gonna be sick." I staggered to the ladies' room and barely made it to the toilet before I was spilling my guts.

"Liv," Elliot called in. "Are you alright." I swayed in front of the mirror after I washed out my mouth. I was feeling queasy and my stomach was erupting in all sorts of cramps. I doubled over groaning.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec." I spat quickly through my teeth before running to the toilet again. I stepped out of the stall and found Elliot leaning against the wall holding a bottle of gingerale. He handed it to me and I took it gratefully.

"You're not alright." He said. I shook my head. I couldn't argue. I barely had enough energy to keep my eyes open.

"Come on, the hotel isn't far from here." He guided me out of the bathroom. Our bags were sitting near the door. I couldn't believe he had got everything in the time it took for me to empty my stomach.

When we reached the hotel I was half dragged half carried into the room by Elliot. The last thing I remember was closing my eyes and passing out in his arms.

* * *

**I feel so bad for making this tiny, but I will try to make it up to you and get a longer chapter up as soon as I can...**

**Okay here is the big decision I have to make. Will Liv be pregnant? Or not? You choose. **

**~BensonBaby  
**


	15. Positive

**Oh good golly I had fun writing this! Enjoy**

* * *

_I was already drunk off my ass when Elliot showed up to take me home. I didn't mean to but I was just so upset because of that fucking case. Abused children were just the worst of them all. It was like God was teasing me…tormenting me because I didn't have any kids. _

"_Come on Liv, let's get you home." Elliot wrapped his arm around my waist. _

"_Hey cutie pie." I tapped his nose lightly. _

"_Liv. Come on." He pulled me from the bar. _

"_You pickin' me up?" I asked as he put me into his car. I turned my head and giggled at him. _

"_No; I'm taking you home." He closed the door. Taking me home? That's no fun. He got in the passenger seat and started the car. I stared at him. He turned his head and glanced at me. _

"_What?" He asked._

"_You're adorable when you're all strict." I reached out and touched his cheek. _

"_Olivia you're drunk." He stated. Why do people always do that? Why do they tell the drunk person that they are drunk. Like we, the drunk people of America, don't know that we are drunk. I swayed from side to side dramatically. _

"_Girls just want to have fun!" I started to sing. _

"_You're not exactly an obedient drunk are you?" Elliot said as he pulled over to the curb in front of my apartment. _

"_I have a few problems with that sentence." I paused having difficulty remembering my problems. "Oh right! I'm never 'obedient' and who the hell is obedient when they're drunk?" I stuck my tongue out at him. _

"_Touché." He chuckled as he got out of his car. I watched him as he walked around and opened the door for me. I had an idea suddenly. _

"_But I'm not very good when I'm drunk." I stumbled into his arms and kissed his neck. _

"_No, come on Liv, stop." He breathed. _

"_Why? Because I'm drunk?" I asked sullenly. It looked like it was very difficult for him to nod in answer to my question. He helped me into the building, up the stairs and to my apartment. I opened the door and pulled him in with me._

"_Elliot Stabler don't deny that you want me. I know that since you and Kathy have filed for divorce you've been looking at me completely different." Well maybe not completely different…just with less reserve. His eyes raked over my body. I have never been so happy to be wearing a skirt in my life. I was almost tempted to say 'you know you want this' but that sounded too much like rape; and I was against that. Suddenly he was kissing me. One moment I was standing there trying to look sexy and stand upright at the same time and the next he was holding me up and kissing me. Although, in my inebriated state several moments could have passed between those two and I would have never noticed. In what seemed like ten seconds we were completely naked. _

"_Damn Liv, why do you have to be drunk?" He said as I pushed him no the couch and began sucking on his neck. I pulled away and looked up at him, laying my head on his chest. I made sure my brown eyes were wide and innocent looking; well until a mischievous grin split my face._

"_Oh come on. I'm a fun drunk." I laughed before nipping at his chest. _

"_That you are; that you are." Elliot comment before crushing my lips beneath his. _

"_I love you Liv." He said. _

"_I love you too." I murmured. _

_I woke up with a major headache and Elliot beside me on my bed. Naked. Oh, fuck.  


* * *

_When I woke up my head hurt and I felt sick again. I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. I would have been upset if I had the flu. But considering I was almost two weeks late I was freaking out. I leaned on the wall as I sat on the disgusting hotel bathroom floor and I cried. I couldn't possibly be pregnant, not now, not at this time. The only thing I could be happy about was that if I were pregnant it was Elliot's baby. But even that was a dull happiness. Elliot found me on the floor and rushed to my side.

"Liv what's wrong?" He asked stroking my hair.

"Uh…nothing. My stomach hurts. I think I'm going to go down and get some gingerale from the drug store across the street." I stood up slowly and wiped away my tears.

"I'll go get if for you." He went to go put a shirt on.

"No, no it's alright. I'll be back in a sec. It's not far. I think I want some crackers too but I don't know. I'll decide when I'm there." I slid some shoes on.

"Are you sure."

"I'm positive." I hiccupped. Ironic choice of words, aint it? "When do we have to be at the airport?" I asked as I stood in the doorway.

"Two." He said. I nodded m head and walked out into the hallway. I went to the drugstore. I looked at pregnancy test trying to choose the best one, the one that would have the best chance to be correct. I went up to the cashier and bought it. The whole process took fifteen minutes. I asked if I could use the bathroom there and the cashier nodded her head sympathetically. I rushed to the restroom and peed on the horrid stick. I paced around the small bathroom as I waited the five minutes. It felt like five hours. I picked up the test and it was…

"Liv are you in there?" A knock sounded at the door. Oh God I forgot about Elliot waiting for me. Twenty minutes is way too long to be buying soda.

"Yeah, hold on." I quickly wrapped the test up and threw it in the trash can. I opened the door and he was standing there looking so concerned I could cry.

"Sorry I got sick." I stuttered.

"Don't apologize. I should have insisted coming down here." He said. "Oh…here." He handed me a bottle of gingerale and a box of crackers. I suddenly felt very guilty.

"Thank you." I responded flatly. We walked back up to the hotel room.

"I'm going to take a shower, if you don't need anything." Elliot looked at me from inside the bathroom. I shook my head.

"No, go ahead." I closed my head and pretended to sleep. My heart was pounding in my chest. How could I be pregnant! This was such a terrible time to be pregnant. I mean my life was in danger! And now I'm endangering my unborn child. I needed to see a doctor. I needed to go home and prepare for a kid. How could I do this? I guess I fell asleep because the next thing I knew Elliot was waking me up telling me we had to go. Was half coherent on the way to the airport, through the last two flights and arriving at our new home. I remember sleeping, and I remember how warm it was in Phoenix despite it being December. I remember feeling sad about spending Christmas in Witness Protection, and I remember when I told Elliot about my feelings he said that we might be lucky. I told him there was no way they were going to catch him in a week. His response was 'you never know'. And to be truthful, he's right.

Our house was one of those white picket fence houses. It was small and cute. Perfect for a new couple. Which is what Elliot and I were supposed to be, a newly wed couple. I've never really had a yard before and I found the whole thing just adorable. Sedona, Arizona is absolutely beautiful. Our house didn't have a computer and the phone could only call 9-1-1. We had no contact outside our little neighborhood. We went into the house and looked around. It had three bedrooms upstairs, two full bathrooms, a beautiful kitchen and dining area and a rather large living room. From what I learned the house used to be a home for undercover cops a while ago, but was donated to the witness protection agency.

"And I thought our department didn't have enough money for this kind of stuff." Elliot said putting our bags in the bedroom.

"Well, we're special priority." I scowled.

"Oh calm down darling. We're here and there's nothing you can do about it." He smiled. When he saw that I hadn't even chuckled the smile slid off his face.

"What's wrong, you've been far away from here all day long." He said putting his hand on my thigh.

"I'm worried."

"About what? This? Don't worry we won't be here long. I promise."

"No…not about this…not directly."

"Then what?"

"You have to promise not to freak out."

"…I promise." His eyes searched mine for a hint of my turmoil. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. The best way to do this was to just say it.  
Just tell him.  
Go ahead.  
Say it.  
Say it.  
_Say it.  
Dammit Say it Olivia! _

"I'm pregnant…" I blurted out.


	16. Home

**I don't really like this chapter cause it skips around way too much! And the time line is weird cause everything happens too fast. But I needed to get past this chapter. **

I sat there waiting for him to say something, to show any kind of emotion. His eyes seemed glazed and distant but slowly a smile spread over his face and he focused on me.

"Pregnant?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said when I got my voice back. He hugged me.

"That's great!" He kissed me.

"You think so?" I smiled.

"Of course!" He grinned.

"Are you ready to be a daddy again?" I asked.

"More than anything." He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Do you want to be a daddy with me?" I asked sheepishly.

"More than _anything_." He said staring into my eyes. I blushed. Here I was, sitting in a witness protection house, with my best friend who I am going to have a baby with. When I was eighteen I didn't see this happening. I didn't expect my first boyfriend to be the person I would have a child with. And when I found out he was married that thought blew out the window. But now, it was here, and now, and concrete reality.

"We should unpack." I smiled tapping his cheek lightly. He wrapped his fingers around my wrist.

"Okay, the bags are in the bedroom." He pulled me up the stairs. But we weren't unpacking. He was kissing me before we even reached the room. Next thing I know we're tangled up in sheets and staring at each other.

"I love you so much Olivia." He put his hand on my cheek.

"I love you too." I placed my hand on his.

* * *

Three hours later we were watching tv my head on his lap. We had unpacked, eaten dinner and now the only thing left to do is watch tv. NCIS was one of my favorite shows.

"Aren't you glad we don't have an Abby to deal with?" Elliot laughed.

"I don't know, I think she's cool. I'm glad there isn't a Tony in our department." I smiled up at him.

"Why?"

"Cause he's a manwhore." I chuckled.

"You can't just make words up." He laughed.

"It's a word! A girl we had to interrogate for our last case said that and ever since its been stuck in my head." I grinned.

"Sure." He laughed.

"Well, why is he a manwhore?" He asked.

"He flirts with practically _every _woman he comes in contact with." I waved my hand dramatically at the tv.

"So does John but you don't call him that." He touched my nose.

"John's a whole different matter." I laughed.

"I suppose you're right." Elliot said wrapping his arms around my waist as he slid his body behind me.

* * *

I woke up on the couch wrapped in his arms. I slowly twisted out of his grasp. I walked into the kitchen. The pale moonlight flowed through the large bay window. I opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. I poured it into a glass and put the carton back in the fridge. I took a drink and turned towards the window. He was there. That man. Outside my window. I jumped and dropped the cup. The glass shattered and milk sprayed all over the floor. When I blinked he was gone. Elliot ran into the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" He asked looking from me to the broken glass and spilled milk to me again.

"I-uh-thought I saw something." I pried my eyes away from the window.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I think so." I mumbled looking at the milk pooling at my feet. I stepped out of the puddle quickly and grabbed a towel. I knelt down and started to wipe up the spilt milk. Elliot got down beside me and put his hand over mine, stopping me.

"What aren't you telling me?" He asked.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I pleaded him with my eyes. Trying to scream that I was possibly going crazy.

"I'm just a little paranoid." I muttered pulling my hand away from his and begun to clean the linoleum again.

"You're safe here…with me." He stood up and grabbed another towel and started to pick up the glass pieces and drop them in the trash can. I nodded my head again. When we were finished and everything was clean and put away we went up to the room. Finally drifting off to a dreamless sleep I decided that I just need to calm down and relax. Maybe I could think of it as a vacation. Or at least I could try.

* * *

I woke up to an empty bed, for the longest time I couldn't remember where I was. It was so quiet. No car horns or angry neighbors to be heard through the paper thin walls. The only sound was quiet music that sounded from downstairs. I stood up slowly and adjusted my black tank top over my barely noticeable baby bump. The only reason it was noticeable was because my tight lean abs were gone. I didn't really pay attention to it before because I just thought since I hadn't had time to exercise lately I had gained some weight. I smoothed my silk pajama pants and padded out into the hallway and downstairs. Elliot was making breakfast and listening to music.

"Good morning." I leaned over the bar.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?" He asked.

"Fine." I smiled. He looked up at me.

"What?" He asked.

"Look." I pulled up my shirt to expose my bump.

"At what?" He said. I rolled my eyes. I pulled his hand to my stomach.

"This, Elliot Stabler, is your little baby." I chuckled.

"You aren't even showing." He squinted laughing.

"I'm huge!" I laughed bugging my eyes out. He pulled his hand away and I felt how cold it was without his warmth.

"Sure you are." He smiled. I grabbed a plate and piled it high with food. I was starving.

"We should probably take you to see a doctor." Elliot said. I just mumbled an agreement as I scarfed down my food.

"When?" I asked as I took a breath before shoveling more food into my mouth.

"As soon as possible." He watched me in awe as I ate my food.

"How are we even going to find one…we don't have internet, or a phone." I set my fork down, finally full.

"We could always just take you to the hospital." He said.

"Okay. I've never done this before…so you're the experienced one. You lead and I'll follow." I drank my orange juice. He chuckled.

"How are you feeling this morning…besides ravenous?" He asked.

"I feel alright." I smiled and took my plate to the sink to clean it off.

"Well, I'm going to go get ready if we're going to the hospital." I turned and made my way upstairs.

In the room I made the bed and stripped off my clothes. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror in nothing more than my bra and underwear. I traced my fingers over my bare stomach.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Are you okay in there? I know there's been a lot of stress lately but I'll protect you. And so will your daddy." I looked at the subtle bulge.

"We're taking you to the doctor today." I turned to water on in the shower, took off my remaining clothes and stepped into the steaming water.

After my shower, I got dressed and Elliot and I left to go to the doctor; where I was prodded and questioned and weighed. I was around ten weeks and my baby was healthy. I was given prenatal vitamins and told the things I could and could not do. I was relaxed and calm through the whole process. I was scared when I left the building. Because there, on a bench, was _him_. He stood up and walked over to us. My breath caught in my throat and my heart began to race. No, no, no, no! I was supposed to be safe. We were all supposed to be safe. How did he find us?

"Are you okay darling? Why are you at the hospital?" The man asked a look of concern over took his features.

"What do you want from us?" I asked.

"To get to know you." He answered.

"Stalking, kidnapping, and threatening to kill aren't the best ways to do that." Elliot said.

"Shut up this is a family matter." He said. Why wouldn't he listen? Why didn't he understand, he wasn't my father. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, so I played along.

"Yes he is." I said. Elliot and the man looked at me shocked.

"No he isn't." He said.

"Yes, he is. He's the father of my baby. Your grandbaby." I nearly choked out.

"Grandbaby?" He asked. I only nodded my head. He threw his arms around me, I tensed and Elliot yanked him away while slapping handcuffs onto his wrists.

"You are under arrest for the assault, kidnapping and attempted murder of Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the state of New York." Elliot told him his rights as he pulled him to the car and shoved him in the back seat.

"Go ahead and drive. I'll sit in back with this son of a bitch." Elliot said. I ducked into the front seat. We finally had him. Now we just had to take him home.

I was going home.

Well, this was one hell of a vacation.  


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**I hope you liked it. I'll be back on my normal pace next chapter. **


	17. Merry Holidays

**Hello, I know it has been a really long time since I last posted. But band season is finally coming to a close next week and I have about a month before indoor guard starts. So don't be surprised if I post a bunch between next week and the end of November. This chapter isn't wonderful. But that is what happens when you write one chapter over the course of three months. *Ducks projected objects.* Enjoy. **

**

* * *

**

Two days later I was sitting in my apartment finally flipping the last page on my book. I had my feet propped up on the coffee table and Christmas music played quietly. Cragen had given us a few days off after the stressful situation we had gone through. He didn't know that I was pregnant but he would eventually, and I knew that Elliot wouldn't let me be on field work for much longer. I set the book on the sofa beside me and yawned. Elliot was out doing something that he wouldn't tell me so I had the apartment to myself. I stood up and walked into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of decaf coffee. I sipped it silently as I listened to music and stared out the window at the falling snow. There was a knock at the door so I set my mug down and opened it to reveal Elliot with a Christmas tree tucked under his arm.

"I always have to have a Christmas tree." He smiled before pulling it into the apartment. Fin walked in behind him with Melinda both of them holding boxes.

"So it's true!" Melinda said dropping her box on the sofa.

"What?" I asked.

"You don't have a Christmas tree. How is that even possible?" She asked as she pulled her hair back in a pony tail and rolled up her sleeves.

"I don't have time…If you don't remember I have been chased all over the country by a psychopath!" I shrugged my shoulders. "And we always have a Christmas party at the squad room." I said.

"That's no excuse. There is barely any holiday spirit in here." Melinda said getting to work unpacking her box. "Right Fin?" She cocked her head towards Fin.

"I hear music." He said not wanting to get in between the two of us.

"Oh you're no help." She mumbled pulling out a Christmas tree stand and handing it to Elliot who set the Christmas tree in it.

"Anyone want some coffee, its decaf." I asked already starting for the kitchen.

"Nah, I like mine strong with caffeine." Fin said.

"That's alright." Elliot answered.

"I'll come with you." Melinda abandoned her unpacking and followed me into the kitchen.

"So when's the due date?" She asked as soon as we stepped out of the living room.

"Wha-how did you know? Did Elliot tell you?" I asked staring at her.

"I'm a doctor. And I've been pregnant, I know the signs. You are pregnant." She stated. I rolled my eyes and turned around grabbing a new mug and my empty one.

"Around June." I said pouring the coffee into the cups.

"Congratulations." She smiled taking the steaming cup from me.

"Thank you." I mumbled following her back out into the living room. The Christmas music was turned up and Fin was on the phone trying to talk over it.

"You're almost here?" He asked.

"What?"

"Oh. Okay. Well hurry up." He hung up.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Casey and Cragen. Munch is coming over later." Fin said.

"What? I didn't know people were coming over. Elliot why didn't you tell me?" I glared at him.

"It was supposed to be a surprise." Elliot shrugged. "But we didn't all show up on time, and it's hard to be all 'surprise!'" He raised his arms slightly. "When you have a tree in your arms." He looked at Fin.

"Hey, I couldn't help I was carrying a box." He pulled out some tinsel and threw it at Elliot. I chuckled lightly and sat on the couch beside a box full of red and gold ornaments. I opened a box of candy canes sitting on the table in front of me.

"What are you doing?" Melinda asked looking at me.

"Eating a candy cane." I mumbled around the mint candy.

"Those are for the tree." She grabbed the box.

"I'm not sorry." I propped my feet up on the table again. I sucked on the candy cane as the rest of my friends decorated the tree and I watched. Captain and Casey showed up right before Munch. We all talked, baked Christmas cookies, danced to music, ate Christmas cookies and finally around midnight everyone left and it was just Elliot and I left. The two of us laid at the base of the tree on a wool blanket covered with a red and green blanket. The Christmas lights were the only source of light in the room and I fell asleep with a smile on my face. This year was going to be the best Christmas ever.

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**What did you think? I'm really truly sorry it took so fudging long to upload. Love you all. **


	18. Predicament

I sat on the floor surrounded with pillows. Pillows and pregnancy books. It was the eighth month and I was supposed to be on bed rest. But I had to pee and then I couldn't get back in bed. Elliot was at work and I was stuck on the floor. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I called. My voice cracked. I hadn't talked for a few hours. I heard the door open and close and a few moments later I saw Casey at the door holding Chinese take-out.

"I come bearing gifts." She smiled.

"Good because I am starving and can't get up." I laughed. She set the bag on the dresser and walked over to me.

"How did you get into this predicament?" She helped me up.

"Well you see I just _rolled _off the bed." I joked.

"That's not even a little funny." She helped me walked to the living room.

"You're treating me like an invalid. I _can_ walk." I pulled my arm away.

"So how did you end up on the floor?" She prodded.

"I had to use the bathroom. I couldn't get back on the bed." I lowered myself slowly onto the couch.

"You have a sofa. Why didn't you just sit there?" She handed me a pair of chopsticks and a container.

"I am a very pregnant woman. I have no patience for thinking clearly." I savored the Chinese chicken.

"I hope you're eating healthier than this most of the time." Casey curled up beside me. I envied her flexibility and leanness.

"No Doctor Novak this is all I eat. All day." I smiled. She chuckled lightly.

"I like the sound of that. Doctor Novak." She grinned.

"I wouldn't let you treat me." I poked her.

"Awwww, why? I could be a very good doctor." She whined.

"No. You make a very good lawyer. Stick with what you know." I smiled tapping the side of my head.

"Spoilsport." She hissed and stuck out her tongue. A slow building pain surfaced around my lower back and abdomen. I groaned.

"What, what's wrong?" Casey asked looking concerned. I removed some of the pressure off my lower back.

"Nothing. Just sitting wrong." I smiled and turned on the Tv. After maybe ten minutes another pain attacked my back. I groaned again.

"Okay, something is wrong." Casey said. I waited out the wave of pain.

"Nothing is wrong Casey. This might be Braxton hicks contractions. The body's way of getting ready for pregnancy." I stated breathing slowly.

"I don't know. They are awfully close together." She said worried.

"Well lets go to the hospital and get it checked out." I stood up gradually with the help of Casey.

"I'll call Elliot, where is your bag?" She grabbed my cell phone.

"In the room, in the closet on the floor." She ran back the hallway. "And grab my wallet its on the dresser!" I yelled after her. She came back with my overnight bag and my wallet.

"Anything else." I shook my head no and pulled on my coat. I bent over as another wave of agony ripped at my insides.

"Hey Elliot, no its Casey. Yeah Olivia is fine. We're-um-headed to the hospital. Yeah Mercy. Yeah she might be in labor." Casey spoke quickly as she helped me wobble out the door and to her car.

"Here he wants to talk to you." She all but threw the phone at me as she slid into the seat next to me and started her car.

"Hey baby." I said into the phone.

"Olivia, how are you feeling?" Elliot was practically yelling.

"I'm fine, perfectly fine." I rubbed my large belly.

"Casey said your in labor." He was still talking loudly.

"Yeah, that's a possibility. Calm down. Just meet me there and we'll see what's going on."

"Okay. I love you Liv."

"I love you too." I smiled before hanging up the phone. More pain seared through my sides as Casey sped through town getting to the hospital. She pulled into the emergency parking lot.

* * *

I stared down at pregnancy test in my hands. I couldn't be pregnant I was only seventeen. My mom would kill me. Literally. Plus, I couldn't take care of a baby.

And what about Elliot. Would he stay? Would he marry me? Did I want him to quit everything. Put his life on hold just because of me, his irresponsible road block?

I'm not worth it. But maybe a baby is. A little boy that would look just like him, with his bright blue wise eyes. He wouldn't have the crooked nose, the nose I broke when we were in third grade. Stupid baseball.

No stupid me. Why? Why was there a possibility that I; of all people, the girl who gets beaten by her mother, and needs to get out of this place, can be pregnant and chained her for the rest of my life. I can't do that to Elliot. Maybe it would just be better for me to suffer alone. Maybe I should run away. Or I could lie and tell him I slept around. No. That would be awful. But at least he could move on, he wouldn't be stuck with me and a baby. He wouldn't regret me.

The test beeped and I glanced down at it.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I wasn't pregnant. I stood up washed my hands and threw away that little private memory. Promising to myself that It would never happen again. Never again in a convenient store in a bad side of town. I walked out of the bathroom past the leering cash register attendant. I pushed my way out onto the crowded sidewalk and made my way back to school before lunch was over and I missed pre-calc.  


* * *

"Lets go have a baby." I whispered as she ran around to the other side to open the door for me. Because after the ten minute ride to the hospital I knew I was in labor. As we walked into the hospital Elliot, Fin, Munch and Cragen ran up to me.

"Oh great you brought the whole gang." I smiled and then winced as another goddamned contraction wrestled with my uterus. Elliot wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me to a nurse with a wheelchair.

"You're already signed in." Elliot told me.

"Good, because this child of yours is just as impatient as you." I put one hand on my belly and another on my lower back trying to rub out what felt like a jack hammer digging into my spine.

"You aren't the most patient person in the world either." He smirked laying a hand on my arm. I glared at him.

"Sorry." He pulled away. I was rolled into a room with an empty bed in it. I was helped up and into a hospital gown. I was carefully put into the bed and told to wait for a doctor to come.

"What do you think it will be?" Elliot asked caressing my belly.

"A boy. A strong little man who will take after his father in every way." I smiled.

"Well I think its going to be a girl. One as beautiful as her mother. And just as strong willed." We both felt our little child kick.

"Well someone wants out." I chuckled. Casey walked into the room holding a cup.

"Here are some ice chips, since they are the only thing you could have I thought you might want some." She handed me the cup.

"Thanks."

"Hey Elliot. Could Casey and I talk alone for a moment?" I asked. He pushed a lock of hair out of my face.

"Yeah, I'll go talk to Captain about taking off." He said and walked out of the room.

"What is it Olivia?"

"Casey. I'm afraid I'm going to be a terrible mother."

"Why would you think that, you've been studying non-stop since you found out you were pregnant." She smiled.

"But those books are nothing compared to real life."

"You deal with children all the time."

"Yeah, victims of abuse, rape, mistreatment. Not a child I will need to raise.

"You'll be a great mother Olivia."

"You really think that?"

"No."

"What?"

"I'm kidding." She smiled and giggled lightly before giving me a makeshift hug.

"That's not even a little funny." I said.

"I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven. Now go get my husband so I can blame him for doing this to me."


	19. Changes

**Here is the end of this story. I forced myself to finish, because I couldn't just let it sit without an ending. So there is this and an epilogue. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own SVU  
**

* * *

_I waited in the hospital waiting room for three hours. I was starting to get worried and I was pacing. _

"_Liv." His voice felt like a shower of relief over my mind. I turned and faced him; a grin graced his face and I couldn't help, I smiled back at him._

"_Boy or girl?" I asked. He chuckled._

"_Both." He answered. I cocked my head to the side._

"_Twins?" _

"_Yup, Richard and Elizabeth." He pulled me into a hug and I couldn't help but relax even more. I breathed in his cologne. _

"_Congratulations." I stiffened and pulled away. _

"_Do you want to come back and see them?" He asked. _

"_Uh, I think I'll just wait until you bring them home. They're going to have a lot of people to see today, and they should probably rest." I smiled weakly. He shook his head._

"_Liv, I want you to meet them." He put his hand on my arm._

"_No, El, go to your family, I'm just going to go to the precinct and catch up on some backfiles." I pulled away from what felt like a fire on my forearm. He scowled. _

"_Okay, well…I'll see you in a few days I guess." He turned around and left without even a goodbye. I watched him walk away before turning around and leaving the hospital. _

I couldn't believe that after eight hours of labor I could hold this little bundle of beauty.

"She doesn't look like a Sarah. I'm sorry, but I just don't think that can be her name." I said staring down at her sleeping face.

"What about Claire?" he shifted beside me, "you really liked Claire." I shook my head.

"No…what about…Rachel?" I asked.

"I don't like Rachel. What about, Vivian?" He murmured caressing her cheek.

"Ew, no. What do you think about…Evelyn, or Evy for short?" I asked. He was silent. I glanced up at him; he was staring intently at her.

"Hi Evelyn. Baby Evy." He smiled and looked at me. "I love it."

"Good." I smiled at him. The next day we took Evelyn Grace Stabler home and I didn't want to leave her crib side as she slept.

"Come on Liv, you can't stay here for the rest of your life." Elliot tugged on my arm.

"She's so beautiful." I whispered to him but let myself be led out of the room. I looked back into the room before turning out the light.

_"Thanks guys, I'm glad you took my suggestion and didn't throw me a big baby shower. Lunch with the girls is all I wanted. And these little dresses are so cute, Sarah will look adorable." I smiled at Casey and Melinda. I unlocked and opened my front door._

"_SURPRISE!" Ten women jumped up from their hiding places and yelled. I looked over my shoulder at Casey and Melinda. _

"_You two." I glared at them as I let myself be led to the couch. For the next two hours we played games, ate cake, I opened presents and I talked to my friends. Casey, Melinda, and Alex all pulled money together and bought me a room set for the nursery. _

"_When it gets delivered you have to tell us so we can help decorate the room." Casey smiled. _

"_Thank you all so much." I looked at my friends and felt my eyes tear up. Two weeks later the furniture was delivered. Casey, Alex and Melinda showed up dressed in overalls, hair pulled back, with buckets of paint, brushes, rollers, paint trays and other assorted room decorating items. _

"_You guys are crazy." I said as they started setting up. We painted the walls light yellow. The crib, changing table, rocking chair and dressers were cherry wood. The ceiling fan was taken down and painted pink and green. Flower lamps, stuffed animals, bedding, pictures, and toys were brought in and set up._

"_I think you're ready." Casey said after the others left._

"_I don't know if I'll ever be ready." I said. _

Elliot and I sat on the couch together.

"What do you think?" Elliot asked.

"I think my life is never going to be the same." I smiled.

"So that's a good thing?" He asked.

"It's a very good thing." I smiled and kissed him. That night we fell asleep together on the couch. I couldn't wait to get up and live my new life.


	20. Epilogue

**Official ENDING to this fic. I worked super hard on it just because I wanted to have a 20th chapter. I realize it doesn't go into depth with Elliot and Olivia's children, but I don't really want it to. I hope you enjoyed this fanfic and please review.  
**

* * *

**Epilogue**

Sixteen years later

"Evelyn, don't forget to pick up your brother from baseball practice tonight." I reminded my eldest daughter. She grunted in response. Lilly and Derek ran into the kitchen and sat down.

"Lils; Derek, what do you two want for your tenth birthday?" I asked the twins.

"I want new ballet shoes!" Lilly yelled.

"I want new video games." Derek answered with his mouth full of pancake.

"Okay, we'll see what we can do." I smiled. Elliot walked into the kitchen holding Leslie.

"Mama!" She cried out.

"Good morning Leslie." I kissed her forehead after she was put in her high chair.

"Good morning El." I kissed Elliot.

"Good morning Liv." He smiled.

"Good morning freakin' everybody!" Evelyn said under her breath. Elliot and I grabbed a bagel kissed our kids goodbye and left the house to go to work. I smiled at a pregnant Casey as I walked into the precinct and Fin kissed her cheek lightly. Cragen was showing around a new captain; he was retiring in a week.

"Elliot, Olivia, I have a case for you…."


End file.
